Loving the Mothers We Are

The one of the hardest jobs we face is learning to appreciate the mothers we are. Like thieving quilters we steal bits of other mothers, from dreams, books and playground conversations, and stitch them together into an ideal mother. We hold it up to the light and admire its colours and patterns and despair that we will ever match its splendour.

We see Susan's patience, Beth's outdoorsy nature, and Caroline Ingall's virtures. We envy Jan her homemaking skills, and Hannah her playful spirit. We steal these facets, but never the whole. Do we see that Susan's patience is countered by permisiveness, or know that Beth worries that she'll never teach her children math? No, because that realism is counter to the crazy quilt we seem driven to construct.

I have despaired. I have known deep in my heart that I will never be the playful, wise, patient, and virtuous mother of my dreams. One day I realised that if I were all of these women, or even one of these women, I would not be myself. I wouldn't have my strengths and my quirks, and it wouldn't be stories about me that my children tell when they are grown.

Am I a playful mother? No, but I'm a great storytime mother. And I a fabulous housewife? No, but I don't worry when the kids make a crafty mess. I am me. I am beautiful and strange, riddled with weaknesses and bouyed by strengths.

It's time to love the mother you are. Throw away the crazy quilt. Make instead a patchwork of *your* days. It will have tears, and missing threads, and little sticky jam fingerprints. It will have the colour and pattern of your life woven into its design. It will be wonderful and unique, just as you are a wonderful and unique mother.

Click here for Part 2

- Denise K in CA | 11.21.03 | 1:38 am

Thank you Sarah, I really needed to hear this. :-)

- Schwester K | 11.21.03 | 8:32 am

Are you keeping such postings elsewhere? I really think you should, so that they're more easily accessible to you than hunting through old postings online. You write beautifully, with a wisdom that should be shared. One of the things that you could do with such a collection is print them together as a collection - even if it's "just" for yourself and your family.

You ARE an amazing mother, Susch. I'm constantly amazed at how fabulous you are - how much you're willing to stretch yourself, to embrace yourself, to share yourself... I know that in that far off, mythical day when I become a mother (aside from being the role model/whatever to a whole slew of kids that I am right now), many of the pieces in my crazy quilt of mother-ideals will be made up of pieces that I've gleaned from you.

- Nancie | 11.21.03 | 8:43 am

I found your blog through Stephanie's blog.. Thank you so much for this beautiful entry. It's just the reminders many of us need. btw..I'm a wonderful storyteller as well...and terrible at playing. smiles...

- Regena in KY | 11.21.03 | 11:15 am

Thanks so much for this. I've been agonizing over whether to begin homeschooling my little guy for first grade next year. Also whether to continue with my older son or send him back into some organized setting. Just never feel adequately compassionate and kind to deal with little children. Too curmudgeonly an old salty, sea dog to force myself on tender young ones on a daily basis. Been asking God to please, please tell me in no uncertain terms whether or not what I'm doing is best for my children - or just what I want. Jeremiah 31:3 popped up for my viewing pleasure recently, but I remain unconvinced. Just ordered my books for next year today. Asked again if I should really be doing this. Came up and found your note waiting for me. Hope it's really for me....

R

- Beth | 11.21.03 | 1:32 pm

Sarah,
Thank you so much for this beautiful posting. You have made me think about what I do offer my children instead of focusing on what I don't. I have learned that when I put other mothers on a pedestal, convinced that they do everything perfectly, those poor mothers are doomed to take a big fall in my eyes as soon as they do something that I thought was completely out of their nature.
I know I'm not perfect but I believe I'm the perfect mother for my boys.

- Missy | 11.21.03 | 6:40 pm

This hit me as completely profound. It definitely struck a chord in my heart. Thank you for putting so completely what I've been failing at for so long.

- Elizabeth | 11.21.03 | 9:51 pm

Thanks for posting this! just what I'm needing to hear as I work through my desires to be perfect all that time that had been contributing to nothing but some serious stress and psychosomatic illness for me! I would like print that out and post it on my fridge if you don't mind! Please let me know!

- Jim | 11.22.03 | 5:32 pm

Yeah. What they all said.

I'm going to print this out, if you don't mind. We all need reminders like this.

::hugs::

- Julie | 10.02.04 | 2:46 pm

This is beautiful. Would you mind if I shared this with my MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers) group?

- gina | 04.23.05 | 8:09 pm

funny, I've been coming here for oh, months now and haven't read this post(and it's on the best of Poppins-if I'm correct)Well, I'm glad I'm attending the O.H.C., because those are words every mom could stand to hear- even if they aren't homechooling!

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- Lynn | 05.14.07 | 8:16 pm

What a beautiful thought. Thank you for sharing it.

Lynn