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last night she said...
yeah. i'm listening to the strokes as i write this. they rock. good band. i'd forgotten about them until uncle willie (wil wheaton - wilwheaton.net) reminded me while i was browsing his site last night. yeah...
and now, for the second installment of sithspotting previews!
today's exerpt is the very begining of the movie. of course everything is copyright me, except where it's copyright lucasfilm. here goes:
INT. STUDIO. DAY
A young man of about twenty stands on a stage wearing a Jedi robe and holding a Kenner toy lightsaber. He is speaking the lines of a fan script, though we cannot hear him, due to the sound being cut off. We do not realize, but we will later, that this man is our NARRATOR:
NARRATOR (voice-over)
Choose the Force. Choose Jedi mind tricks. Choose rock levitation. Choose no family. Choose a fucking midichlorian count bigger than Master Yoda's. Chose R2-D2, landspeeders, commlinks and X-Wing starfighters.
EXT. SIDEWALK. DUSK
A huge line of fans is standing outside a movie theatre, waiting in line for a Star Wars movie. Many of the fans are in costume, and acting out various lightsaber battles. Those not in costumes are split between watching, ignoring, or pretending to ignore the otaku. Again, all is silent.
NARRATOR (voice-over)
Choose 900-year lifespans, Jedi purges and voiceovers by James Earl Jones. Choose Death Star trench runs. Choose a homestead on Tatooine. Choose your friends.
INT. COMICON. DAY
Fans mill through the various booths at the comicon. The camera bounces and jangles through the crowd, and we realize that we are getting the view of one of the participants. We ride with him/her until the STAR WARS booth, where, flanked by two ROYAL GUARDS, is a man dressed as THE EMPOROR. The camera pulls back as the fan we were riding with bows down before the Emporor.
NARRATOR (voice-over)
Choose earth-tone robes and matching cloaks. Choose lightsabers in a range of fucking colours. Choose precognition and wondering where your friends are while balancing on one hand.
We pan to the right, where a fan dressed as DARTH MAUL battles two JEDI.
NARRATOR (voice-over)
Choose sitting in a puddle of mud on Dagobah listening to some 900-year old muppet speaking backwards and wondering...
Yoda (voice-over)
...how you get so big eating food of this kind?...
NARRATOR (voice-over)
Choose fading away at the end of it all, like all the great Jedi masters before you, leaving nothing more than a memory and an occasional haunting voice saying "Use the Force, Luke."
DARTH MAUL stabs one Jedi with the Kenner Darth Maul lightsaber and the Jedi collapses. The other Jedi launches a fury-filled attack at Darth Maul, in a replay of the scene in THE PHANTOM MENACE. The camera pans left and we see our NARRATOR. He "uncle sam" stabs a finger right at the camera.
NARRATOR
Choose your destiny. Choose the Force.
HE shrugs.
NARRATOR
But why'd I want to do a fucking thing like that? I chose not to choose the Force. I chose to say "Shove it!" to Jar Jar. I chose to give the finger to the Emperor.
He flips off the Emperor, who frowns and gestures imperiously. The ROYAL GUARDS start to move towards our NARRATOR, who starts running, pushing the fighting JEDI away from the DARTH MAUL, who shake their lightsabers at him.
NARRATOR (voice-over)
I chose to give up my delibitating addiction, in the worst possible way. How? you ask? Easy. I watched Star TREK!
(scene change)
Posted by SushiKnight at 11:48 am |
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