I have found that I have a new identity here in Oklahoma... it's not Hope... or Pinky :o) or anything like that... It's Walston's Wife. Yup, that's my name now... so I won't get offended if that's what you call me.

We went to a BBq/Keg party Friday night. Mostly everyone was in the same unit as Kareem, therefore learning of my new identity. "Hey you're Walston's wife right?" or... "Is that Walston's baby?" I first get there and all the guys are in the backyard and the wives have gathered at the kitchen table. So I sat down with them and was being social with Amelia. The only things I hear out of their mouths is gossip about the wife who's outside not being social. Can I hear a little somehting about you for once... and not some gssip crap about someone else? Anyways...

Signing off for now...

Walston's Wife

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Today Amelia and I went to the WIC office here in Lawton to get signed up for WIC here. She weighed 12 lbs 8 oz and is 23 inches tall. She had to get 3 shots in her thighs. Poor thing... made me wanna cry. She only cried for a minute while she was getting the shot, but was already fussy becuase she was tired. She slept the whole time we were in Wal-mart icking up the WIC stuff. This OK WIC is crap... the only brand name cereal you can get is Cheerios and Kix. Everything else has to be the cheapest. In Ga there were a lot more choices on brands of stuff you could buy... like cheese and juice. Oh well... can't complain about the free stuff I gues.

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I have shown my daughter the light. I think. I have 2 different kinds of pacifiers to soothe her and both of them look as though they taste like sweet tarts to her so to give her something to suck on I have shown her where her thumb is. She knew where her hand and arm was... sinnce thats what she's been using, but the other night I repeatedly showed her how to uncurl her thumb from underneath all her fingers and stick only it in her mouth. She hasn't stopped yet. SHe loves it. I was bound and determined to give her something other than my nipples to soothe her. The only thing is now she gets pissed off when her uncoordinated attempts don't work all that well.

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Lets see if this works... I laid her down in her own bed when she was sleepy and helped her find her thumb (instead of my nipple) to suck on to help her fall asleep. So far so good. If it works it means I'ma have to go from one side of the house to the other to comfort her. But I guess that's a sacrifice I'll make... like the lack of sleep I get (at least when I want it, I must adhere to her schedule and no matter what anyone says, you can't 'break' her schedule) or the constant need of me and my body... me to hold her or me to feed her or talk to her or touch her and entertain her. Or for her to just touch me.

Now whether I like or dislike these sacrifices they are still made. But why am I the only one who has to make them?

Now I'm not complaining about Amelia here... I love every minute with her. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm just making a point. That's all.

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The girl next door wasn't at home all day so I ended up lugging Amelia's fat booty down to a pay phone to call one of these civilian Dr's to get her an appointment. They tell me unless she's enrolled in Tricare (which she can't be until she gets her birth certificate) I will have to pay $85 for the visit and extra for the shots... which shouldn't be the case becuase it states that she is covered under me for 120 days after birth without having to be enrolled... whatever. I told the lady that's ok and came back home.

Kareem left to go out in the field at like 2 am Friday morning... when his alarm went off he came into the living room to find Amelia and I still up... and he asks "What are you still doing up?" And I just look at Amelia and ask her the same thing. I bet he misses having someone to go to bed with, since I haven't gone to bed at the same time he has ever. Not even before Amelia was born... but now it's worse becuase I don't even have that choice.

So with Kareem not around I went to Wal-mart to pick up a few food items and some supplies to ship these books I sold on ebay. I'm debating on whether or not to put up these movies we have duplicates of... some of mine are still in the wrappers.

I've been cleaning... I rearranged Amelia's room some and it's pretty much unpacked. I've just got to arrange my shoes in one of her 2 closets and I think that's it. I swept half the house... we have got this problem with crickets and roly polys that's driving me crazy. The roly polys aren't that bad... once they get in they die from the cold... but the crickets don't and well... I am pretty much terified of ANY insect.

My vent for today? Our cable. Granted it the cheapest around, but we don't have VH1, Bravo, or Comedy Central. That means no South Park, no Dave Chapelle, no Celebrity Poker, no THings I hate about you and other various retarded shows on Bravo... and none of those great 70's, 80's ad 90's things on VH1.

I guess I'll be alright.

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I wish I had a nice fat bowl right about now...

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I'm writing this with some crankiness mainly because Amelia kept me up until 4 am last night... not crying or anything, just wanted to be up and play. I kept the house dark and didn't talk to play with her while she was up (trying to let her know it was night time) but she didn't care. She could still see my face by the light of the TV and just wanted to cuddle anyways.

I'm a little cranky too that I just got woken up by my upset husband who decided to take his anger out on me like it was my fault our military insurance is a fucked up one. It's not my fault I've been reminding him since we got here that Amelia has got to get a Dr's appointment for her 2 month well-baby check up and he hasn't remembered to call them until today. Nor is it my fault we don't have a phone. Only after they piss him off does he decide that it's my fault becuase I didn't travel to the nearest payphone with our 7 week old who hates being in a car thats not moving and hot and do the calling myself. Apparantly they won't see her at the hospital on post becuase she doesn't have her birth certificate yet, which I don't understand and that we have to see a civilian dr. He gets the run around with the civilian dr's and now its all my fault, so he wakes me out of my sleep to yell at me about it. I guess it's my fault too that her birth certificate hasn't arrived yet.

I guess taking care of a newborn is viewed by some (mostly men) as the easiest thing in the world. That I do nothing all day but sit at home on my ass and just look at her. When she's awake she wants something... attention, food, to be held... only at max 30 minutes at a time can I get away with putting her in her swing or her bouncer. I guess with that 30 minutes I should be doing whatever household chore he thinks is most important... like doing the dishes or sweeping & mopping the house... but no, instead I, you know, try to go pee, brush my teeth maybe... try to do the laundry that seems neverending with her. Maybe even sit down and have a few moments by myself without the little one attached to my arms, chat with friends who think I have forgotten about them or check my email.

Gone are the days where I would cook dinner for my family and since I did all the cooking if Amelia was awake and fussy someone else would take the liberty of holding her while I quickly ate my food and then take her while they ate... no now it's all my responsibility... if I want to eat while she's awake I just have to suck it up and eat my food cold after she's decided she will allow me to eat. I guess gone are the days of that meal being appreciated too... since my mom never really cooked any home cooked meals, everyone in the house was so greatful to come home from work to hot food, I always recieved thanks and praise... now its just expected.

Apparantly when I was woken up after a long ass night with Amelia to be yelled at I'm supposed to be all happy and say shit like, yes dear and I'm so sorry, it's all my fault... but it's the real world and shit like that just doesn't happen.

My left breast is dripping all over my shirt telling me to go wake my daughter up and feed her, which I'm about to do... and start the whole day over again... and apparantly I'm supposed to go begging to the girl next door like a poor pauper to use her phone to finish up what my husband refuses to do. Makes me almost relieved I've got a free weekend coming up where it's just me and Amelia.

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Someone pointed out to me that I haven't posted anything on here since I moved to OK... I haven't realy posted anything much since Amelia was born. Not that I haven't had anything to say because I have... it's jut kinda inevitable that everytime I sit down to write something she wants my attention. Actualy almost everytime I try to do anything she wants my attention. As long as I am paying her attention, talking to her, or nearby while she swings in her swing or bounces in her bouncer she is just fine and content... but when I sit down to eat, or write, or shower... she starts crying.

Don't get me wrong... I love it... all of it... she is the greatest... the cutest... she smiles for me a lot now and no matter how much she cries those smiles just melt my heart. I'm loving the Mommy thing.

We arrived at our new home at 4 am on the 1st. Kareem drove halfway here and I took over for the night shift since I had slept most of the way. Along with Amelia. I was suprised how well she did the trip only waking up when we stopped for gas and to eat. I had pumped 4 bottles to calm her while we drove and she only ate 2 1/2. I nursed her when we stopped to ease the swelling some. When we got home I was hurting.

I've pretty much got the main part of the house unpacked, the kitchen, bathroom and living room... my bedroom's done with only my suitcase remaining. Amelia's room is still pretty much a disaster... I'm sure I'll get in there this week and work on it.

I've met my neighbors (our house is a duplex) and had over one of Kareem's friend's and his wife to play board games which was quite fun. I like it here a lot better this time. If I ever get really lonely I could always go next door and I've always got Amelia to keep me busy when Kareem's away. And it's not the least bit scary at night here when he's gone, living on post and all.

Last night he had a 24-hour duty thing and Amelia and I slept most of the time, I was bored (so he says) and decided to feed her a bottle of formula just to see if she would take it... just in case of an emergency or something... and she drank it all. No fuss no fight... The dr had told me it was ok to supplement a bottle of formula every now and then so I figured what the hell.

She's getting used to sleeping in her own bed (well I am anyways) and actually is sleeping longer through the night. We've got her playpen/bassinet setting next to my side of the bed. After Daddy gets up to go to work I put her back in the bed with me, just because I'm lazy... it's easier to feed her for me that way.

Well while she's asleep I'm gonna try to do some more stuff around the house... just wanted to catch you all up on my little 7 week old...

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She's smiled for Gina, she's smiled for Mom, she's even smiled for Nana.

I guess I'm not funny looking.

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For the life of my mother and I, we could not get this little girl to give us a smile. We would talk to her in that high pitched baby talk and she would stare so intensely and give us a half grin and it looked as though she was gonna smile but never did... Then today as I walked in the door at Mom's house, Janel and her mom Gina followed as they were dropping DJ off and wanted to see Amelia. Gina got her as soon as she was out of the carseat and greedy for a face to see instead of her blanket that was draped over it to block out the wind and the first thing she does for her is smile. A big ole REAL smile.

Mom said later (I think out of a tad bit of jealousy) that it was just gas. LOL.

I've been staying at Mom's house A LOT the past couple of days, even spending the night for 2 of them becuase we will be heading out to Oklahoma very shortly. We've been going out and visiting all our extended family and friends so they can see Amelia before we go. Friday night it was out with Mom's Ya-Ya friends and Saturday it was over to the Witter's.

Friday coming up DJ is going with Janel's family to Canada for a week and that will probably be the last day Mom get's to see us. She's gonna have even more serious withdrawals from not having anyone around in the house. Her and Jim talk about how much they are gonna miss having Amelia around. I think I am gonna seriously miss having someone around that I totally trust with Amelia. One of those type deals where I know if Amelia starts crying Mom can handle it. Most people give her back when she starts to whimper but not Mom. She loves holding her no matter what Amelia is doing. If I offer to take her while she's crying (if its not from hunger) she always says "No, I got her."

Me coming over here every evening has been just as much a break for me as it is fun for them. They get to play with her and I get to have a couple hours a day where I get a baby free break to play on the computer or just chill out.

I guess now I'm just gonna have to make Daddy do it :o)

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with Amelia on one breast sucking away staring at me with this crazy intense stare and I'm loving it. She has these big dark eyes and I wonder what she thinks about.

I look at my blog that I've had for 241 entries... almost a year and 5 months worth of my typing my words and stuff has changed so much since then. When I started this thing I wasn't even thinking about kids... and now I've got one. One who cries everyday and needs so much and sometimes I have no clue what it is. But it alwauys works itself out.

When I was pregnant we bought so much pink stuff for her. I knew it was going to be a girl when I took the test... I just had it in my head and nothing was going to change that. All of her clothes were pretty much all pink... this pale pink... and now we've decided it doesn't really look good on her with her complexion... we like orange or dark yellow stuff. She's a perfect mixture of her father and I. I couldn't ask for a better baby. One who loves to sleep in loud resturants so Mommy can eat. One who sometimes all it takes to make her stop crying is to see Mommy's face or hear her voice.

So that's me now... Mommy...

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She's asleep in my lap after fighting all afternoon to go to sleep. The new updates in our life?

Amelia found the joy of being strapped to Mommy in the Snugli while Mommy does housework. She actually stayed awake in it too...

She was fed her first bottle of breastmilk by her Grandma last night. I finally decided to give this amazing industrial size pump one of my mom's friends brought me in the hospital a try and managed to get out almost 2 oz of milk. Mom was shocked I was gonna let her feed her with it. I said "What do I need a bottle for?" I just wanted to see how she'd do and she took it like a champ. She's been taking to her pacifier too. Just had to find the right one.

She sleeps pretty much through the morning waking up in the afternoon and then napping shortly til evening where she's up from about 9 to 1 or 2. Then she sleep through the night (finally) til around 7 or so... depending on how late she stayed up the night before.

Kareem also informed me they were told they would be heading over to Iraq sometime soon. His tour will be for a year and I will be stuck in OK all by my lonesome without him. I HATE that he is going to miss a year of Amelias life. I can deal with it... In August we will have been married for 2 years and have lived together for 2 months of it.

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