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Yeah. Right.
So happy Canadian Thanksgiving to all my fellow canucks! We have been trying to eat Turkey for, I dunno, three days over here and we still haven't managed to do so. My mother is still with my grandmother - she has been there a month and we are beginning to doubt her intentions to return home. Lee is in another city about 3 hours away with her boyfriend - we love that she is so far apart from him but miss her desperately. I had to work yesterday, I am seeing my bishop today because we have, literally NO food and no money and tomorrow we are supposed to be picking up Lee. Somewhere in there, my father is making turkey and all the trimmings - most likely tomorrow.
The other day he said that we could bring the pie because we finally got a little cash and I said that sure, I would just buy one. Geek Boy had the silly notion that we would make it ourselves - with REAL pumpkin. Real being non canned pumpkin and that it needs to have a graham cracker crust. I have no idea where he gets these silly notions... never have I had a graham cracker crust pumpkin pie and to make it with a real pumpkin instead of purchasing the handy dandy canned kind? The poor fellow has lost his marbles! Real pumpkin indeed.
To anyone that is so kindly commenting on my blog - Upsaid is still stupid and they still haven't fixed their comments so I can't leave you notes on my blog to response to yours. I am indeed thinking of all of you and am SO grateful that you take the time to leave me messages. It means a lot! :)
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| Curvaliscious :: 12:12pm - 10.12.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 0 ] |
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GAH!
I recieved a phone call from the crown attorney's office that is dealing with our case against Mr. X on Monday. Now here is where I don't know whether to laugh or to cry...
Apparently Mr. X has decided to plead guilty on 11 counts of assault involving Lee and I. This is a good thing in that it means that we don't have to endure a trial where we are testifying and cross examined, staring him in the face as we do so. I know that I was mighty uncomfortable about it and Lee, well, she was downright terrified. Knowing him, he would most likely try and do something stupid like represent himself and that would mean that he would cross examine us which would, as he knows, turn us into terrified blubbering messes. So on that count its a good thing that he is, at this point, planning on pleading. The negative side to this is that as much as I would like to think that he is pleading because he is finally actually admitting that he has wronged us and that he has, indeed, been abusive the truth is that he can't get parole until these matters are dealt with and he goes through counselling for anger management etc. Yeah. He is really doing this because he is admitting fault. NOT.
The downside to him pleading is that he is likely to get a lesser sentence than he would have gotten if it went to trial and he was found guilty (remembering of course that going to trial doesn't always mean that he will be found guilty - he could in fact be aquitted of any wrong doing). Now if you were looking at the fact that he abused three of us for eight years verbally, mentally, physically and in my case sexually how much time do you think that he should serve?
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Remember that his abuse of choice was choking...
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That he bounced Lee's head off of a counter top for not cleaning it properly...
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got a number in your head?
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He is probably going to be getting... wait for it...
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SIX MONTHS.
Yeah. Because 8 years of hell is worth, in the eyes of the law, 6 fricking months and he is still eligible for parole as soon as possible after the counselling. He may not get it because he now has pled guilty to violent crimes but even still its six months. I don't know whether to be happy that we don't have to go to court and testify or if I want to cry because it feels so damn injust. Maybe I will do both.
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| Curvaliscious :: 10:42am - 10.10.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 1 ] |
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Who Needs Enemies?
I wrote an email to the family about how none of them are assisting in the care of my grandmother following her double bypass and how my mom, aunt and uncle are solely caring for her even though she is in the hospital. It was a harsh email and I know it. It was uncalled for. It was, to an extent, mean. But it was the truth. I could have worded it differently. I could have been all sweet and nice and give kisses and hugs and treat everyone like they are sugar spun and will break at any moment but the fact is that I didn't and I can't change that. I expected people to be angry. I was prepared for it. What I wasn't prepared for, however, was my cousin Tammy. (yes, I am using her real name because if I don't I will call her "the bitch" and I don't want to go there).
According to her, I am the shame of the family because I went to jail. It doesn't matter if I did anything wrong, I still went and that makes "the family" ashamed to even be related to me. She feels sorry for my children having a mother like me. I am a crack whore or drug addict and why don't I just go and smoke something else and mind my own business. Anything that Mr. X did to me was my own fault because I was the one that chose to marry him. I am stupid and uneducated. I use everyone around me - especially my parents and I have had them bail me out of my problems my entire adult life. I am a bitch. I am going to be the death of my grandmother when she hears what I have done. I am useless. I am nothing. Thats the one that rings in my head the most. You are nothing.
I am proud of myself that I didn't retaliate and treat her the way that she treated me. Okay, when she said that she had an education (and I don't) and that she makes $50,000.00 a year and owns her own home and her own car I did say that materials things don't make her any less of a jackass. I did call her a bitch (twice). I didn't, however, say that she is a bitter single woman with no marriage prospects or children. I didn't say that she was the only girl in a family of boys and is a spoiled rotten little bitch. I didn't say that no matter what education she has she can't compare to me in life experiences that I overcame. I didn't laugh when she said that she has a house and a car and say that she was bragging about having debt. I didn't say that wow, she is such a bitch its no wonder no one wants her or that she is going to die alone in her nice house. But oh, I wanted to. Unfortunately I couldn't see through my tears to even type those things.
Mr. X hurt me a lot but Tammy hurt me just as much. I have never been treated so badly by anyone other than Mr. X. If you are angry about the email then be angry about the email. Yell at me if you want to. Say that it's not my place, none of my business, or that I have no room to talk because I can't be there either because I don't have a car and hell, I can't afford FOOD this month but I should catch a greyhound and pay for a hotel to be with Grandma. But don't say the things that you know will destroy a person. Don't sit there for two hours and yell at someone on facebook chat and then when someone else in the family hears that you said all those horrible things, act like a princess and deny it. Don't tell me that I am delusional or crazy or that I like to stir up trouble as if I have done it before when the reality is that I have never fought with anyone in my family in my entire life. Its pretty easy to sit there and call foul when the cruelty you give out is made public and when you know that facebook doesn't keep a record of its chats once you have deleted someone off of your friends list. I might not have the proof of what a skank you are Tammy, but those who are closest to me - those who matter and who I don't see only at family weddings and funerals know that I am not a liar. Fact is, they are pretty disgusted with you even though they are angry with me for being so harsh in the first place.
You can call me what you want. You can believe whatever you want. You can have your daddy call up my mommy and say that you never said those things and have him ask her how she can possibly believe me - as if I am a scumball who couldn't possibly be telling the truth. After all, I went to JAIL. No innocent person ever went to jail don't you know. If I went to jail I must be a criminal. A liar. I must be nothing.
Guess what? I am not nothing, and as much as just writing that brings me to tears because my greatest deep down inside myself fear is that somehow I am wrong and I am nothing, I know that if that's what I am, you are 10 steps below me. I can pull myself back up because I have proven that I can and frankly, I am not so sure that you can say the same. How does it feel dear, to be down here, less than nothing?
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| Curvaliscious :: 1:54pm - 10.08.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 2 ] |
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Hmmm
Why is it lately that every single (and no, I am not exaggerating) new to me blog is written by an LDS woman? Literally every. single. one.
Trying to tell me something here Heavenly Father? Because, you know, if you are I might be persuaded to listen for a few moments should I have some type of lightening bolt indication that you wanted to talk to me (I am a little slow as you know).
Just sayin.
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| Curvaliscious :: 8:46pm - 09.30.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 2 ] |
My Goodness it Sucks!
I don't normally do product reviews but I have to do this one. I have been cursing my previous vacuum for what feels like forevah. Seriously this vacuum was occupied by satans minions or something. If you sucked up anything larger than, say, a pea it would come to a screeching, smoky halt as the belt snapped. I was well schooled in the replacement of vacuum cleaner belts believe you me. I cursed that vacuum in so many different ways that I was beginning to wonder if, by some chance of fate, it could really hear me and would retaliate by sucking up imaginary items and then having a hissy fit all over my floor.
Then, one day Geek Boy (and I will love him forever for this) said "Lets go and look at vacuums". Oh, the bliss! A new vacuum! I have to admit though, that I didn't have high expectations because over all most vacuums suck (or rather don't) after the first month or so. Their designs are pathetic and they are, overall, a pain in the arse. You know what I am saying because all housewives have those moments where we curse at the vacuum and threaten to throw it out the window while our children are hiding behind your skirts scared because you have turned into some kind of shrieking, scary monster mommy.
Gosh I get off track don't I? ANYWAY we took our little ole selves to the Wal Mart and bought this little beauty:
Look at it in all its wonderful glory. It is a Hoover Elite Rewind and it is my new lover. I adore it. I want to lick it just to see what wonderful tastes like. Oh yes I do. To save you from me further expressing my joy at my preciousssss I will limit my thoughts to point form...
- Its bagless. Not only is it bagless, it has a wonderful little handy dandy bottom that pops open with the push of a button so that you don't have to get your hands dirty or have all those nasty little bits fall out all over your apron.
- It sucks. Literally. That little thing sucked up an entire marker through its hose and whirled it around in the dirt. It was very impressive to say the least.
- There is a little attachment that goes on the sucky tube that is for pet hair and since I am like Dr. Dolittle in this house, getting rid of pet hair is paramount. In addition, I have stairs and I was seriously thinking that I would have to get a small dust buster thing for those which of course, I can't afford to do. Anyway, this attachment has a beater bar on it and it works like a dream!
- The sucky tube has a handle on it. I didn't think that this would matter but believe me, it does because its SO much easier to handle
- All the attachments are not only on board, they are not sticking out in strange ways that make you knock them off every time you turn around.
- The chord (are you ready for this!?) retracts into the side of the machine and not only does it retract, it actually slows down at the end of the chord so that you don't have to worry about slicing your leg off while holding down the retract button with your foot.
- The only drawback I have found so far is that its a relatively heavy vacuum - must likely because of the rewind mechanism on the side.
- The vacuum belt is completely encased so that you don't have to go around worrying that something will get caught in the belt and snap it.
I can now go whizzing merrily around the house sucking up all manner of barbie shoes, bratz doll heads and lost earrings without a second thought and if that's not down right delicious why, I don't know what is. |
| Curvaliscious :: 8:13pm - 09.30.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 0 ] |
Letting Go
Yesterday Lee and I were watching Dr. Phil, who was talking to mothers about being too protective. Wow, the women on there were insane helicopter parents - never letting their children out of their sight for more than a little while even when they were in their teens. On one hand, I completely understand a mothers need to hover over their child but at the same time, I recognize the need to let go and give a child their own space and independence.
One of the hardest parts of being a mom I believe is watching your child go off into a situation that you have potentially no control over. A million things race through your mind as you worry for their safety but the most prominent feeling is that of helplessness. How will you ever forgive yourself if, during those moments of independence something happens to your baby and you weren't there to prevent it? How will you ever live with yourself? Every day that you walk out of my range of vision I worry about you. Every. Single. Day. It started the moment I found out that I was pregnant with Lee almost 17 years ago and I would imagine that it probably never ends.
I am raising both of you to be intelligent, careful and responsible but I also know that under the age of about 25 those qualities are somewhat irrelevant given that it seems that no one under that age appears to truly have a whole lot of foresight. I did stuff in my teens and early 20's that were just plain stupid because I didn't think things through first. I put myself in situations on occasion where things could have gone wrong very quickly but I was lucky, thank God.
Its not that I believe that there are bad people lurking around every corner... its more that I find that people in today's society fail to stand up for what is right no matter the cost. I don't know that I can count on someone else to stand up for you if something did happen. I don't know that anyone would actually DO something if you were to be taken or hurt. Society today seems to have a philosophy of turning their heads and not seeing what is really going on. Its irritating and its wrong but its a fact. How many times have you seen a mom searching for her child in the middle of a store and not a single person stops what they are doing to assist her in looking? I have seen it many, many times.
I have to remember to bite my tongue and let you both go off a bit at a time into your own lives. I don't have a choice, really although I would love to keep you both here with me safe and in my arms forever. Its hard though. You won't really understand just how hard until you have your own children. Thats when I will be there with my knowing nod and my mounds of wisdom like every other loving mother and inwardly be thrilled that you finally get how I feel. There are going to be times when I can't let you just go off and do your thing... believe it or not thats ok so maybe try and understand that its not that I don't trust YOU but that I don't really trust anyone else. Its not a personal slight against you but its me trying to hold onto my babies for just a little longer. You have the rest of your lives to experience all of it... and there is so much out there for you to experience and I am looking forward to witnessing your amazement at the world when the time is right. Until then, just let me hold you tight for awhile, then send you off for a time before reeling you back into my arms where you belong. I promise I won't do this forever...
Love,
Momma
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| Curvaliscious :: 12:51pm - 09.30.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 0 ] |
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Dear Daughter
Sometimes, late at night as I am lying in bed I wonder if I would have any regrets should I find out that I am dying of a terminal illness or if I were to die tomorrow. Would there be things that I wish I could have said to my daughters? Things that I will look back on and think to myself that I should have passed down my wisdom to be taken or rejected as they see fit? I am not just talking about the big things here either - perhaps its the little things that leave the greatest impression. How to bake a no fail pie crust. Why buying things that are more expensive just makes sense. How to avoid debt or the recipe for those cookies your grandma used to make at Christmas. Maybe it's the big things... the things that feel life changing when they are happening. The boy who teases you because he doesn't want to admit that he really likes you. How to decide whether or not to end a friendship that you have outgrown. How to cope with a miscarriage or to offer support to a friend who has lost a child.
Maybe we will all live for another 50 or 60 years but there is no reason why we can't take those moments, as we think of them and record them... for our daughters sake because no matter how diligent we are, something along the line will get forgotten. So, I am starting Dear Daughter. Once a week (the day is to be determined) I hope to post an entry just for my daughters. Words for them to hear my voice when I am gone. Simple things. Complex, mindful things. Quiet, thoughtful things. Happy things and maybe even sad things. Nevertheless, they will be things from my heart and that in itself will make them of value. I hope that you will join me, mothers of daughters, use the icon and spread the word. Together, we will raise our daughters and our grand daughters and give them a voice that some of us didn't have.
The rules are simple: write a journal entry to your daughter or some other girl in your life, add the icon to your post and link back here. Leave a comment with a link to your page so that the rest of us can glean wisdom from your writing. That's it. You don't have to contact me to start writing, just leave your link.
Perhaps we can look into a Dear Son version if Dear Daughter works out... after all, if we women don't raise our sons to be upstanding men and good husbands what's the point in raising our daughters to be good women and wives?
Yours,
Curvaliscious
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| Curvaliscious :: 11:53pm - 09.26.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 0 ] |
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More on Tyke
He is a darling wee thing and even I, who is admittedly a dog person, am completely in love with this little soul. He is like having baby in the house as he alternates between mischievous (get OUT of my cupboards/hair/curtains/purse/rabbit cage...) and wanting someone to snuggle him down for his nap. He likes his ears scratched and his tummy rubbed, you see, before he descends into delicious chest rumble purrs and has a nap in your arms.
If he is grooming himself, he will often groom you as well... never was there a dirtier family according to Tyke because we appear to need groomed often. He will eat... well, anything and my is he ever nosy! If you are drinking he wants to see what it is. Eating? He will climb up to your face. We are attempting to teach the wee heathen some manners.
He follows you around the house and comes whenever he is called. If our bunny's name wasn't puppy I would have named Tyke that because its fitting. Leave the house and he will cry on the small table that we have beside the front door window. Pink paws on the sill and tiny nose pressed against the glass. He can't really meow however... it comes out like a little squeak instead.
I have been watching around town to see if anyone is posting flyers to say that he is missing but so far, no one has. That's alright really. He's mine now and I am not giving him back.
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| Curvaliscious :: 10:48am - 09.25.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 3 ] |
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Works for Me: Making it Mini
Whenever I am baking cupcakes or muffins I always make them in the mini sizes. The reason for this is because I like to be able to pack them in lunches and the mini muffins are the perfect size for a sweet treat without over indulging. In addition, I have limited freezer space so the smaller muffins simply fit better. After baking, I section out a certain number of muffins, allowing for snacks and lunches. The rest of them are placed into a ziploc baggie and frozen for future use. Every time I bake, I add the extra cupcakes or muffins to the bag and pretty soon I have a mishmash of different types to add to lunches or thaw for snacks.
Go to Works For Me Wednesday for more great ideas!
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| Curvaliscious :: 1:39pm - 09.24.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 3 ] |
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One of THOSE days
It's going to be one of those days. I can feel it creeping in underneath my skin, trying to be quiet so that I won't realize its here until its right up on top of me but I am wise to its presence. There is no escaping the notice of the Curvaliscious. You would think that crappy days would realize this by now but no, they keep on trying to jump on me whenever I am not looking, little heathens.
It kind of started this morning when I couldn't seem to get my toosh out of the bed. I laid there for a bit, recalling the conversation that Geek Boy and I were having last night before he went home. The one where I clarified for him that no, I don't *really* need him to take the kids to school in the morning, I am just being lazy. (duh!) and taking advantage of his good nature. The conversation where he told me in no uncertain terms that I would be walking the kids from now on. Yeah. He took the kids to school this morning again. I was running late. I had to get ready for work, and I had to make myself a lunch. I was procrastinating but man, everyone has to be good at something, no? Getting dressed in a nice new matching bra and knickers brightened my day some before I realized that wow, this 38 D is fitting a little more like a 36 D. My rib cage is crying for release and I am quietly telling it to shut up at least its not a girdle. Then it would have a reason to bloody cry. Why, when I was a child, we wore corsets that pulled us in so tight we passed out just from trying to bend over.
Then I realized that oh, the shirt that Geek Boy called a table cloth (!?) is getting a small hole in the sleeve. My jeans have a spot on them and I need to shave my upper lip on the left side again. Yeah, I am getting to that age. Don't be coming here and saying that I have to pluck, wax or use that cream crap there either because if I do it gives me a sore that looks like I have been kissing a feller with impetigo or something. Its not a pretty sight believe me. I would never lead you astray.
Yep. It could be one of those days if I am not careful. But I am watching it... and I think that it knows that creeping up on me right now would result in crying (gasp!) and yelling. I think that would scare nearly anyone away from me for the moment anyway. The father says that I am scary when I am mad. He doesn't freaking know me from scary but he is going to get a taste of it when I get my hands on him since Lee has left EIGHT messages for his sorry ass on his cell phone saying that she misses him and can he please call with nary a phone call or text message to be seen. Mad doesn't even begin to cover how I am feeling towards that man right now. I warned him. "Don't think that you can come up in here and meet *my* daughter and then drift away again because if you hurt her, I am going to hurt you. Don't. Even. Think. About. It." I said. He has been known to be a slow learner in the past however and since a leopard doesn't change its spots...
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| Curvaliscious :: 1:09pm - 09.19.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 1 ] |
Hmmm
There has to be an alterior motive because, really, there is no way that Mr X would just give up, right? I mean someone of that personality type sincerely believes that the world owes his sorry ass a favour and that everyone is out to get him. Nothing is *his* fault of course. He is faultless. The victim. He isn't in jail because of his actions, he is in jail because the government screwed him over. His ex wife didn't abduct his daughter for her own safety, but because she is a psycho bitch who wanted to hurt him. I didn't leave because he is a bastard, I left because I moved into my parents home and they "turned you against me". So when he was eligable for his first parole on August 17th and has yet to file a request for a hearing, that leads me to wonder: what the hell is he really up to?
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| Curvaliscious :: 12:47pm - 09.19.08 :: Talk to me, darlings! [ 0 ] |
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