Smart money says you don't. But if you do? Man, do I feel sorry for you...

Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand
Whose wine? What wine? Where the Hell did I dine?
Must have been a dream - I don't believe where I've been

- Peter Frampton, 'Do You Feel (Like I Do)'

(I've got the iPod playing in the background, set to shuffle, and Elton John's 'Someone Save My Life Tonight' is coming through the speakers. I've got to remember to use that song as a title sometime, as soon as it is appropriate. What a great song.)

So I had my non-Christmas gathering at the Leemer Fortress of Solitude (i.e. my apartment) last night, and it was about as non-Christmas as a gathering could get. There has only been one other time that I have invited multiple people over and that was for my "housewarming" way back in May or June. Two people - just two - showed up then. But last night? Way different. Stunningly different.

When I crawled out of bed this morning and went to fetch a Diet Coke from the fridge, I began to take note of my surroundings.

Bedroom: Two Keystone Light cans on the desk. An unfinished Corona on the dresser, next to a full cup of what smells like rum and Diet Coke. And why is my closet door open?

Bathroom: My shower curtain and the rod it hangs on are in the tub. I vaguely remember that happening on one of my bathroom trips last night, but I don't recall how it actually occurred. I was too disinterested to fix it last night, but it has been done this morning.

Dining area: (My apartment is really small. I can't believe it held all the people that were here last night. Have you seen the video footage of all those people in, I think, Asia dancing on a patio only to have it collapse? Well, except for the dancing (because I save that for work, thank you very much), that could have happened here. Anyway... parenthetical within a parenthetical. I'm a madman!) Three empty cans and an empty bottle. Every bag of snacks opened. The lid still off of the peanut can. Diet Rite on the table? What the Hell? There is an empty 12 pack of Diet Cherry Coke on the floor. And potato chips all over the place. A Crown Royal box? Who brought that? A used shot glass... Damn the shots. And the torpedoes, because Tom Petty said so. Brown bags on the floor, along with a bottle cap. Pretzel sticks everywhere.

Kitchen: This is where the mess really is. Three Shiner Bock bottles (one in a koozie), five empty soda cans, the remnants of the French Onion and Ranch dips, the purple Crown Royal bag (empty of course), and a bag of Ruffles. On the stove there are two empty bottles: The Crown (who brought that?) and the bottle of Goldschlager that Brandon was thoughtful enough to bring. I should have never done those shots. Also on the stove is the playlist from Devin's latest podcast. I'm not sure how it got there, but it is an impressive list of Christmas songs, so check it out. And then there is the latest Eels CD that my brother Bob burned for me. I have absolutely no idea how it got out there.

Living Room: Remarkably untouched. Seriously. It's kind of weird, especially when juxtaposed with the rest of the place.

Patio: Empty cans. A turned over table. An empty bag of Chex Mix stuffed in the Coors Light bucket I use as an ash can. An unlit cig on the ground. (Is that mine?) This is where Khalid brought out the hookah. I found it kind of phallic. Yuck.

I'd like to thank all those who attended (if I can remember everyone, a risky proposition): Katy, Snake and Snakette, The Greatness of the Sowelseseses, Brandon and his friend Shane (damn, he looked familiar, but I'll blame CNN), Khalid, Chad, Devin (my leader) and his lovely bride-to-be Amanda (good choice, Dev - gotta love a chick that hugs you when she first meets you), Bubbles and her new beau, the one and only Marty (my fellow Eels fan), and Chris and his friend (Tish? Trish? Dish? But not fish).

And, to all of the above, I'd like to apologize for being a terrible host. I really didn't think anyone was going to show up so I threw all my inhibitions aside expecting the worst.

Instead, I got the best. Love you guys. And gals.

"Scene collision" can sometimes be a good thing.

(One more thought to anyone wishing to post a comment: Please, please remember that my parents read this stuff on the off-chance that I'll post something of substance. That is all.)

Happy Kwanza.

Entry posted by Leemer | www | E-Mail this entry

- Snakette | 12.18.05 | 12:52 pm

Okay the closet was opened when you fell on your ace. Snake wanted to watch the Christmas episode of 'The Office'. I was sitting in your chair so you went to squat down next to me. We were REALLY struggling to find that episode. Anyways, you kinda lost your balance (couldn't imagine why that happened) and fell into your closet. GIGGLE!

- Snakette | 12.18.05 | 12:54 pm

Brandon brought the Crown and Diet Cherry Coke. Khalid brought the Diet Rite. And yes your apartment looked trashed when I left.

- Katy | 12.18.05 | 1:18 pm

Ohhh... my head.

- Snake | 12.18.05 | 4:22 pm

Good Times!!

- Bon | 12.18.05 | 5:27 pm

Um, so... did you build the condom fort?

- nate | 12.18.05 | 6:06 pm

Holy crap dude! We were so freaking festive last night. My favorite part was when you were standing on your table, with that angel on your head, naked, screaming "look at me! I am a christmas tree. Jingle my bells!"

Seriously, great times, and well, I dont remember. Now for asprin.

- Ali | 12.18.05 | 6:06 pm

Holy fuck was I tore up today. Nathan, not as badly. Whoever brought the Goldschlagger needs to be hung by their toes and eaten by bugs.

Three trips to puke my guts up later, scattered across the course of the day, I feel somewhat marginally better.

Scene collision in this case was most excellent. Who knew that Snake and Snakette would be so fun? Or that Devin would show up, especially with a hot chick? I got a hug, too, during the greeting. Such greatness.

Chris' friend is Tish. They so need to hook up.

I'm afraid to look at the pictures. Which I vaguely remember seeing being taken by two people while we were fooling around in your bed.

What?

Panic

- Ali | 12.18.05 | 6:07 pm

Oh, yeah, and you fell into shower curtain. And it went crashing along with you. Loudly. And you wouldn't own up to what happened, we had to go investigate ourselves

- nate | 12.18.05 | 6:07 pm

Holy crap dude! We were so freaking festive last night. My favorite part was when you were standing on your table, with that angel on your head, naked, screaming "look at me! I am a christmas tree. Jingle my bells!"

Seriously, great times, and well, I dont remember. Now for asprin.

- nate | 12.18.05 | 6:08 pm

delet my second post, tired head

- Katy | 12.18.05 | 6:40 pm

Oh crap, Ali. I forgot about that. Whose camera WAS that?

- Leemer | 12.18.05 | 6:42 pm

I've got the pics. Snakette took them with my camera.

- Snakette | 12.18.05 | 7:15 pm

Snake and Nate were both taking pictures. Giggle... Amateur porn at best.

- Snake | 12.18.05 | 7:33 pm

For as drunk as everyone was you would think that I could get one pic with some skin

- chadwick | 12.18.05 | 9:05 pm

Too bad we didn't have Jager

- Ali | 12.18.05 | 9:53 pm

Snake, maybe those are on my camera....

- Katy | 12.18.05 | 9:57 pm

You need to send me some pictures Ali...

- Snake | 12.18.05 | 10:44 pm

Yeah I'd like to see those too!

- Ed R | 12.19.05 | 12:23 am

So I go outta town for two days and miss the party of the year.
Wait- Devin's getting MARRIED?!
AGAIN?!?!?

- Ali | 12.19.05 | 7:12 am

Rejoin our list, Ed, and you can see all the sordid pictures in all their glory ;)

And yes, he's engaged. He mentioned it all in his blog.

- nate | 12.19.05 | 8:53 am

Holy crap dude! We were so freaking festive last night. My favorite part was when you were standing on your table, with that angel on your head, naked, screaming "look at me! I am a christmas tree. Jingle my bells!"

Seriously, great times, and well, I dont remember. Now for asprin.

- nate | 12.19.05 | 8:53 am

Holy crap dude! We were so freaking festive last night. My favorite part was when you were standing on your table, with that angel on your head, naked, screaming "look at me! I am a christmas tree. Jingle my bells!"

Seriously, great times, and well, I dont remember. Now for asprin.

- nate | 12.19.05 | 8:53 am

Holy crap dude! We were so freaking festive last night. My favorite part was when you were standing on your table, with that angel on your head, naked, screaming "look at me! I am a christmas tree. Jingle my bells!"

Seriously, great times, and well, I dont remember. Now for asprin.

- nate | 12.19.05 | 8:54 am

Holy crap dude! We were so freaking festive last night. My favorite part was when you were standing on your table, with that angel on your head, naked, screaming "look at me! I am a christmas tree. Jingle my bells!"

Seriously, great times, and well, I dont remember. Now for asprin.

- Snakette | 12.19.05 | 5:35 pm

Nate do you have issues? Giggle...

- Jess | 12.20.05 | 9:48 am

Sounds like those were some good time fo sho! Nate..whoa...just say no~ Devin marrying a hot chick and nasty skin flick pics....exactly what DID I miss :) Really, sorry I was able to come and meet you all. Maybe next time...?

- Ali | 12.20.05 | 10:12 am

No, I think that's Leemer fucking with him....

- Snake | 12.20.05 | 7:13 pm

Well Jess you know what they say about first impressions,
I was very impressed!

- Bon | 12.21.05 | 7:26 am

Drivin' up the post count pre-year-end, Nate? ;)

BTW, Leemsy, I have comment-envy. You always get WAY more comments than I do. Even before you factor in multiples and such.

*grumble*

- Jess | 12.21.05 | 5:52 pm

Wow...thanks Snake and I just loved you and Snakette too of course!! Maybe it's time I shrek out some of the blogs mentioned by JT.....