Well, a streak of ten consecutive days without a day off ended this afternoon at 2:30pm. I usually don't have a schedule that hectic, and I could feel it all over. I am so out of practice. Anyway, that was ten days in a row of getting my lazy arse out of bed to go somewhere that is not on my list of most favorite places to be. And what places would be on that list? I'm glad you asked, Checkerboard, because we both know that people love lists. So here they are, in no particular order:

"This one's on me. Name your pleasure, it's on my tab."

- The Aardvark in Ft. Worth, TX. This is a cool little bar/live music venue near Texas Christian University. Formerly known as The Hop, it has been a mecca for good music for years. I have many a fine memory of watching bands there, including Pop Poppins, Bindle, Digbees, and Mumbletypeg. And back when they had Open Mic Night on Wednesdays, I was a semi-regular (just to watch). It has been far too long since I've been there, but I'm an old now.

"Say what you please. I could listen like forever."

- Listening to The Ticket, whether it be in my car or at home. Anywhere, really. I've been a good P1 for about eight years now and, much to the chagrin of many people that I know, the Ticket's lingo has infused itself into mine. And while I'm at it, SARS can't touch me.

"Don't blame me..."

- Biloxi, Mississippi. Beaches AND casinos. Mobsters AND white trash. Seashells and jellyfish. Bedbugs and Ballyhoo. Plus, the last time I went to the mall in Biloxi, smoking was not only allowed, but encouraged.

"Livin' on dreams. A loser or stranger, I can never remember."

- The Temple, also known as the Ballpark in Arlington. What a great place to watch the Great Game, even if my favorite team sucks. I only got to go once last season, but I have already been four times this year and the season is only a month old. And I have yet to have to pay for tickets. Sue me.

"Say what I think. It's a surprise whenever I speak."

- Montgomery, Alabama. This is a surprise entry. I was in this city back in 1989 and it left a lasting impression on me. Visiting the site of the end of the march from Selma was more powerful than words. And everybody that I came into contact with was as nice as nice could be. And that is a testament to the will of the people who live there.

"Don't blame me. She makes me a place to be."

- In bed. I get tired a lot.

"Sweat and feathers, dance and sing."

- Durango, Colorado. This has got to be one of the coolest places in America. The scenery is magnificent, there is skiing nearby (not that I've ever done it), and there are many, many bars to choose from. The atmosphere is very relaxed, yet frantic. Perfect. Oh, and the Million Dollar Highway starts here and runs north. That road is a must-travel.

"Dancing in the sunshine, speeding down your lane."

- Glen Rose, Texas. This might be the most unheralded town in Texas, and it has a lot to offer. Tubing (or canoeing) on the Brazos River. Fossil Rim Wildlife Center. And Dinosaur Valley State Park. Lots of places to buy beer and a Chicken Express, too.

"It's the closest thing to me. It's the closest thing to me..."

- Buena Vista, Colorado. My favorite place to camp is just a few miles west of town and located in the heart of the San Isabel National Forest. The town itself is pretty sleepy, but when I go camping I don't go for the nightlife - so to speak. The area is perfect for camping and it is not overrun with hoardes of vacationers. And the fact that it is known as "bear country" just adds to the intrigue. The fly fishing hasn't been very good the last couple of times that I've been there but I'll take that trade-off for peace and quiet.

"Do-doo-doo-do-do."

- Is there really any more comfortable place for any of us than the toilet? Is it any wonder that my name is John?

(panic)

Entry posted by Leemer | 3 people wanted to be heard! [Add / View] | www | E-Mail this entry

As George Carlin said, everyone needs a place for their stuff. Our entire lives revolve around attaining more stuff and then finding places for that stuff. But Stephen Wright also cautions that, hey, you can't have everything. Where would you put it?

So who to believe? Or do you even care? I don't.

A recent email discussion got me to thinking about my most prized possessions. These are the things that I would grab if a fire broke out in the house - the things that are immeasurably irreplacable. And they will also show what a spare I am in this thing that we call life...

- This is number one by far. It is an autographed postcard, sent from Japan, by Rick Nielson of Cheap Trick. Now for the background info: When I was but a wee lad, I would send letters to Cheap Trick all the time, mainly to tell them that they were my favorite band. In fact, I'm sure that every letter pretty much said that and only that. Of course our mailbox was usually inundated with the usual automatic return mail inviting me to join their "Official Fan Club" for a nominal fee. However, 1979 changed all that. Shortly after I turned nine years old, a postcard sat in the mailbox. The front showed a picture of the statue of Buddha. The back of the card had a Japanese stamp, an airmail notification, and the unmistakable autograph of my earliest rock and roll icon. And it was addressed to me. It is now 24 years later and this card still hangs on the wall in my bedroom...



- The next requires some background info, too, and it is also responsible for the genesis of this list. (Thanks, BonBonMemoryLane.) My dad was on a business trip in 1978, sitting next to a stranger on a plane, when he noticed that his "neighbor" was reading some documents with a "KISS" letterhead. He remarked to the stranger that his kids (all five of us) were huge fans of the band, and that is how he recognized the logo. The guy started looking through all his stuff, hoping to find something dad could take home to us. However, his bag was empty. So he did something far greater. He told my dad when KISS would be at D/FW Airport to change flights, including the gate. Keep in mind that in 1978 there were NO published pictures of KISS without their makeup.

So here we are... five dorky kids with their dad hanging around an airport gate with no obvious intentions. Good thing we aren't Arabic. Or weren't. Or somesuch. I really can't remember how long we had to loiter before we hit paydirt, but I'll never forget how the guys looked when they stumbled off the ramp. And, yes, I used 'stumbled' for a reason. Some big burly guy (Hell, when you are 8 years old, everyone is big and burly) approached us because we were obviously groupies (giggle). He asked if we had any cameras. We said no. He told us not to ask for autographs. We said OK. And while he was talking to us and measuring us, Gene Simmons came up behind him, put his arm around the guy's shoulder and said the following with a British accent: "He's a jolly good friend, and a good skiier, too." Then he walked off.

Sometime during this interaction, I can't recall when, the bodyguard gave all of us kids a full color photo of the band. What a moment for an eight year old kid. The biggest band in the world (at the time), the biggest mystery of rock (what do they look like without makeup?), and here I was - a Connecticut transplant (probably wearing plaid hand-me-down pants) being spoken to by Gene Simmons and his cow tongue. And of course, no one at school believed me. Screw them. I still have the promo pic and the memories. That's all I need.

- Jeff, you knew there would be no number three... Silly man.

- My Fender Telecaster would have to fit on this list somewhere. (Have I mentioned that people love lists?) I am a very amatuer guitar player, but somehow I have managed to acquire five guitars. However, it is the Telly that inspired the spree. Oddly enough, it is also my least handled guitar, the reasons being that it is heavy, I still don't own an amp, and I prefer to play acoustic. But it would also be the first one that I saved because, hey, it's a Fender.

- Autographs. Man, I have a lot of autographs, thanks mainly to years of attending baseball card shows and actually paying for a stupid signature. And even though that list would include greats such as Bob Feller, Ernie Banks, Pete Rose, and Mark McGwire, they don't even come close to making this list. The two autographs that are most dear to me occured way back in the day when I worked for McDonald's in (then) tiny Burleson, Texas. I once had the pleasure of serving breakfast to Grizzly Adams himself, Dan Haggarty, and I have his autograph on a piece of receipt tape to prove it. And former Dallas Mavericks great Brad Davis once signed a white McDonald's bag (remember those?) for me as I helped cook his lunch while on lunch myself - from defensive driving. Also, when I lived in Stephenville, I served former Ranger (and Philadelphia Phillie World Series goat) Mitch Williams countless times. He is a big dude, and I was far too intimadated to ask him for his autograph. But he did start calling me "little buddy", so that's cool. Come to think of it, I got rodeo champion Ty Murray's autograph in Stephenville, too, on one of those plastic McD's trays. The signature meant very little to me at the time, but now that I know he is banging Jewel his stock has gone way up... what?

- If I could save one book? That would be "Skinny Legs and All" by Tim Robbins. Genius.

- If I could save one CD? That would be "Murky" by Digbees. That was the three-piece band that two of my brothers were in, and I know they are terrible at saving their own stuff.

- One more thing. I have a painting above my desk that was done my my sister-in-law Denise that she titled "My Fish Dream". I love the colors, I love the painting, and I know that it would be going with me.

So does this make up for the previous stream of consciousness entry? I'd still like to apologize for that...

Badgerqueef. (Shout out)

Entry posted by Leemer | 2 people wanted to be heard! [Add / View] | www | E-Mail this entry

"The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire. We don't need no water, let the..." That song has been running through my head for two days now. I'm surprised that my wife has yet to kill me because I've been singing it over and over and over and over...

"Hello, my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy"

Well, yes. I am white and I am dumb. Not dumb in the sense of 'held back a grade', but just 'say the wrong thing at the wrong time' dumb or 'do the wrong thing at the wrong time' dumb. I always manage to make an awkward situation worse and a tense situation more tense. My intentions are always good, but the results are always bad.

"I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie"

If you want to, that is. But it will just remind me of the cook in the Beetle Bailey comic strip.

"I'm not black like Barry White - no I am white like Frank Black is"

What a genius line, and a Pixies reference that I missed on first listen. I love the Pixies.

"But if I go to hell then I hope I burn well,
I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Welk,
And Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist,
And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis cause he's the anti-christ"

It just can't be summed up better than that. What an odd scene that would be: JFK, Marvin Gaye, Mr. Welk, Cobain, Telly, Twain, Hendrix, a little Lewis, and me. Is there any question who would be fetching drinks for the others? Just call me 'bitch' and get it over with.

I had an idea of what I wanted to say when I started typing all this, but it soon escaped me. That is what I get for writing late at night when I should be sleeping, And for letting a song take over my psyche (such as it is) when there is so much up in the air.

Did you notice that the roof is on fire?

(Sidenote: Bonnie, this was supposed to be the entry you semi-inspired. I'm sorry that I got severely sidetracked. I was just waving them like I don't care.)

Entry posted by Leemer | 2 people wanted to be heard! [Add / View] | www | E-Mail this entry

Let me state my affiliation: I live in Texas, and I have done so for 28 years. As the transplants like to say, I was not born here but I got here as fast as I could. Also, I do not like country music. There are a few exceptions - Willie Nelson, The Great Johnny Cash, and the Dixie Chicks. I wasn't very enamored with the Chicks in the beginning, but they have really grown on me.

And now I just wish they would shut up.

Ever since lead singer and Texan Natalie Means proclamation at a London concert that she was embarrassed that President Bush was from Texas, Chick backlash has been rampant and well documented. Tonight, they get to state their case on ABC's Primetime in an interview given by Diane Sawyer. However, based on what I've read about the pre-recorded show, Natalie just comes off sounding stupid.

And next week, the Chicks will grace the cover of Entertainment Weekly in a nude photo with contradictory slogans airbrushed over their bodies. And that is what they should do - shut up and pose naked. Then all this goes away...

I do like the cover, even though Natalie has Drew Barrymore in Firestarter hair and the brunette is displaying her best man-face. The slogans, such as "Dixie Sluts" and "brave", paint a somewhat accurate picture of the controversy surrounding them. My only problem is that I'm sure once the magazine is opened, somewhere in the middle there will be a story in which the Chicks open their mouths.

Natalie, there are better ways to voice your displeasure over the President than to mention where he was born. Especially since you are from effin' Lubbock. But please, PLEASE do not try.

Now, let me share with you a comment from someone who understands his place in the world as well as that of the Chicks place in the grand scheme of things. His name is Ray, he was the best man at my (latest) wedding, and he is a singer/songwriter. One of the first songs he ever recorded was titled "Natalie" and was about his little crush on the Chicks' singer.

He is also in the Air Force and was in the Middle East up until shortly before the war performing a valuable service to his country.

When he got back stateside, one of the first questions I asked was what he thought about Natalie's comments. He said that he didn't care. He listened to them for their music, not their political views. We would all do well to embrace that novel concept.

And a naked picture every now and then doesn't hurt, either.

Midgetleg.

Entry posted by Leemer | 4 people wanted to be heard! [Add / View] | www | E-Mail this entry

The following was inspired by a radio bit I heard today in which all of the show's participants had to come up with a list of their own. The premise was to imagine yourself in a room with 50 or 100 other people. What ten (though they limited themselves to five) things do you think you would do better than the vast majority of the others in the room?

Here we go...

10. Throw a forkball. This is a skill that doesn't really come in handy in my world, but it is still nice knowing that I can do it. Back when I played ball in high school, I couldn't throw hard enough to be a pitcher, but I did teach our hardest thrower how to throw the forkball. For those who may not know what it entails, pick up a baseball (or a baseball-sized object) and try to put your index finger on one side of the ball and your middle finger on the other side. These two fingers pretty much form an equator around the baseball. That is difficult enough for most people, but the secret lies in the placement of the thumb...

9. Camping. I'm including this because of the entire package: setting up camp, choosing hiking locations based on topographical maps and the actual hiking itself, fly fishing, hauling wood, chopping wood, creating kindling, starting campfires, and shitting in the woods. Special thanks to dad for these skills, particularly the last one. I never would have thought to cover up the toilet paper.

8. Public speaking. This is probably my most surprising entry, at least to myself, because I grew up a very, very shy boy. I didn't become class clown until the fifth grade. Before that, I barely opened my mouth around others.

7. Writing. I am including this for two reasons only: feedback (although I think it is biased) from others and because I've also seen how others write. Now that email has more or less replaced the phone call as a way to touch base with someone, everyone's writing skills are an open book. (This is not a shot at anyone of my acquantainces that might be reading this, by the way.) I'm very anal about how I write, even if it is just a little email or an instant message. I always use capital letters when appropriate and I try to use proper punctuation, too. Even people who write for a living make me cringe. As an example, a group of co-workers and I were having lunch recently at the greatness of CiCi's Pizza. As usual, the televisions were on with no volume - just closed captioning. And all I could think of was how dumb all the deaf people must think the rest of us are based on the typos I was seeing.

6. Laundry. This is another surprising entry because my mom spoiled the crap out of me when I was younger. My laundry contribution while living with her was solely comprised of me moving a load from the washer to the dryer and turning it on. I think I did my first load of laundry by myself when I was 22 years old. And I have spent the last 11 years perfecting it. I'm very picky about load size, load content, and the fact that clothes cannot sit in a non-turning dryer for more that 20 seconds without being unloaded. If 20 seconds have passed, they must be spun for a minimum of five minutes before being removed. I know. I have issues.

5. Printing. I can click on that 'Print' option better than anyone, brutha'! OK, just kidding. I mean printing by hand. This is a trait I share with all three of my brothers as well as my dad. One day at work I was writing down some information for a customer when he asked, "Are you an engineer?" I replied that I was not, and I resisted adding "If I was an engineer would I be working here?" He said that my handwriting is what made him think I was in that line of work. The funny thing is that my dad is a civil engineer.

4. Math. Isn't it funny when you are good at something you don't enjoy? Such is my relationship with math. I made a perfect score on the math portion of my ACT test in high school. I aced calculus as a high school senior. And the Navy heavily recruited me to be a nuclear engineer based on my math skills. Pfft. You couldn't pay me enough to do something I don't like, no matter how good I am at it.

3. Place an order in a drive-thru. This is a hot button issue for me due to my years in the fast food industry. Order accuracy on the paying end is greatly improved by knowing what you want and stating it cleanly - without changing your mind at the last minute. Take all the time you need before ordering, but please know what you want when you announce that you are ready.

2. Crack jokes. They are sometimes ill-fated due to mixed company, but in the right group I can really get on a roll. And I love to make people laugh because there is just not enough of that in the world today. Have you ever watched 'According to Jim'? I rest my case.

1. Scramble eggs. I can scramble some effin' eggs. That is my breakfast specialty. The perfect texture, the perfect color, fluffy and proud. Poor little chickens.

*Honorable mentions:

- I'm good with dogs. Mojo can attest to that. (That's a little inside, but what the Hell.)
- Play guitar. These days, it seems like everyone plays guitar and most of them probably take it a lot more seriously than I do so I had to leave that one off the list.

Entry posted by Leemer | 5 people wanted to be heard! [Add / View] | www | E-Mail this entry