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it's unbelievably you!
i can't sleep.
it's four in the morning, i have the flu, i just returned from a sleepless night repacking military cable, and i can't sleep.
you have no idea how much my brain is screaming mindfuck to me at this point. but that's not really the point of this entry.
whoa, there. this entry has a point. so, straight to it.
have you ever considered the inherently voyeuristic nature of a blog? people post their thoughts and feelings for their close friends to read. they wouldn't want their not-so-close friends to read their entries, though, because that would be somewhat awkward when real life makes its return through the front door. perfect strangers from the other side of the globe can read the entries with impunity, though, because no one really cares what a lonely, fat, balding, bearded man sitting in front of his 386 at a ranch in bumfuck, texas really thinks about them.
he could be wanking, but that's a different tack altogether and i'm not so sure i'm ready to tackle that minor detail. leave it at out of sight, out of mind.
so what is a blog? it's sort of like 24-hour staggered companionship to replace the hours that people necessarily have to spend apart. all bloggers are egoistic, in a sense, aren't they? since the only compelling reason to write is that you hope and think somebody will give enough of a shit to read the drabble gushing forth from your stiff keys.
it follows that what gets written is entirely unimportant.
the logical follow-up to this is that a blog can be considered, in a sense, nothing more than a wellspring of gold designed to draw earwigs to chest level. once attention is secured, nothing else matters.
the final conclusion we're driving towards is now in plain sight: attention-deficit disorder. not really so, but close enough. |
| kessel :: 527 : 090405 :: inscribe an insult [ 3 insults ] |
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the ivy is coming down the walls
i have been neglecting this parcel of web development as of late. (and somehow manage to begin each and every entry with a statement to this effect.) if i'm not mistaken, it has something to do with the fact that i'm on entirely the wrong island five days out of seven to be able to update with alarming frequency. it thus follows that activity will be slow and lacking that sense of urgency so greedily sought after by those who wear three chevrons upon their sleeves.
now that the ritual making-of-the-excuses has come and gone, we may move on to the main course. of course, the sou chef is undoubtedly having some problems, so the maitre'd will have to distract you while the kitchen staff try to prevent the plum sauce from evolving its own political system. this distraction will come in the form of sweet-talk.
more accurately, inane babble, but let's not mind that. the seeming randomness of this entry will, in time, resolve its purpose clearly in your mind; soon you will understand that you are being taken on a wild ride with no particular destination. the driver, if i may mix metaphors at this point, doesn't even know where he started the engine.
so now you're either totally confused or utterly bored or phenomenally irritated, or even all three, and you're looking for a way to escape the madness that lies before you. you glance down, quickly, to the end of this entry, only to find you can't see it without scrolling down further. horror fills your heart with dread, and the constant, purposeful and infuriating mangling of the english language and its associated and component idioms annoys you to the point of suicide. you can't take it any longer, and you just want to get out of here. but you can't. the words draw you in. they captivate you. you simply can't stop reading this entry without risking a serious brain hemorrhage. what are you to do? clicking the close button will send you to the national neuroscience institute at tan tock seng for sure. your only hope is to press on, and hope the article doesn't kill you as bad as the leaving of it does.
alas alack, this fate you hope for is not to be, for the plum sauce is ready and the maitre'd has backed off to a corner. the driver is nowhere to be seen, probably parking the car like a good valet should, as the head chef comes out with a steaming plate. it smells good, there's no doubt about that. your main gripe comes with the fact that you've lost your appetite to the flood of words that preceded the main course.
this means that we'll save the main course for next time. for now, sign the cheque using the link below.
shameless promotion ebbs the soul. isn't it wonderful? |
| kessel :: 311 : 110205 :: inscribe an insult [ 2 insults ] |
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hiatus undone
attention: crossposted to livingwithstyle (with some changes) for added hilarity.
this patch of virtual turf has gone altogether untended for too long, as is my wont. for that, i am nothing if not apologetic, and i reward your patience with the drivel that follows.
what shall i do with this entry? i'm not too sure. since i'm exceedingly tired, this entry will certainly fail to tickle your funnybone; i'm too drained to produce anything resembling wit at this point. if you really wanted a good laugh, anyway, you would be at google image search, googling for humorous images of bananas in compromising positions. furthermore, it is my solemn pride and joy to announce to you that it is in no way, shape nor form my duty to entertain you. what i do is sit here and write. your job is to form your own interpretations of whatever it is i've inscribed, and decide what your response to it is. if you're in the mood, you might even inscribe a rune marking your territory using the link below. clearly, my job is more difficult than yours and you have no right whatsoever to complain to me about how sitting there can be so difficult. i can't hear you, and neither do i want to.
the thing, you see, about this entry is that it doesn't do a lot of things. it doesn't feed your cat; you're supposed to do that yourself with purina cat chow or whatever it is they're ringing a bell on television about these days. (i haven't been keeping up with cat things much ever since that fateful day you've never heard me mention. (i was ambushed by a ferocious ant lion on the way out of traptown.)) this entry certainly will not be a good use of your time. just think, you could be sipping coffee or curling up in bed with a good book. you could even be having sex. but no. you choose to waste your time with me instead, reading all this. in fact, i'm quite impressed you've made it this far. while i appreciate your decision to read this entry instead of climbing into bed with a member of the opposite sex (or the same, if you so happen to swing that way), i must inform you that it was, and is, an entirely irrational decision you would never have come to if you had bothered to sit down and think things through two minutes ago.
don't look at me like that. it's not my duty to inform you at the start of the entry! be thankful that i gave you fair warning. sadly, though, we have reached the end of our journey together, as this is the end of the entry. since i am writing this before you will read it, i have no inkling as to how this entry affected you. did it make you smile? did it make you turn away in disgust? did it give you anal hemorrhaging? i don't know. all i can do for you is hope that you enjoyed your stay with me. thank you for flying air afterthought, and have a nice rest of the day. what's left of it, of course. |
| kessel :: 023 : 241104 :: inscribe an insult [ 2 insults ] |
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c major, tonic chord, second inversion.
but, no. i won't be talking about politics today. there's been too much of a hiatus from this place that i should defile it with the common and plebeian workings of the human race.
seriously, though, if i leave the human race thingamajig out of it, what am i going to write about? i could write about trees. but they're mostly planted, here in singapore. nature has been cultured to a fault. an intriguingly ordered mess of random leaves and falling branches and tress in the carpark which have been chopped down because they are too old and might fall on expensive marques and bright red racing cars.
stream of consciousness.
no, really, what am i trying to say? i'm not too sure, and i wish someone was here to help me out. uncertainly is an interesting ally at times, but othertimes you wish it would get out of the way and let you see, oh, say, at least more than two feet in front of you. as it stands i can't even see my fingers.
i learnt the japanese method of folding shirts today. it was a welcome addition to the meagre pool of knowledge i attempt to possess on a lifely basis.
death be not proud though some have called thee mighty and dreadfull for thou art not so for those whom thou think'st thou canst overthrow die not poore death not yet canst thou kill me from rest and sleepe which but thy pictures bee much pleasure then from thee much more must flow and soonest our best men with thee do goe rest of their bones and soules deliverie thou art slave to fate chance kings and desperate men and dost with poysone warre and sicknesse dwelle and poppie or charmes can make us sleep as well and better than thy stroake why swell'st thou then one short sleepe past we wake eternally and death shall be no more death thou shalt die
what the fuck am i writing? goodbye. |
| kessel :: 1645 : 180904 :: inscribe an insult [ 4 insults ] |
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blinkered star wars
lightsabers are an impossible weapon.
and i'm not even talking about the science behind the generation of a solid laser that kind of stops somewhere after projecting to about a sword-length. no, i'm not going to focus on that. there are too many faggy sites peppering the internet, where hardcore george lucas whores argue about the science behind the lightsaber. no, it's not that i'm talking about.
i'm talking about balance. and no, not about the force, either.
all the weight of a lightsaber comes from its hilt. correct? because light has no weight. don't give me space-time-continuum nonsense now, because the weight of a beam of light about one metre long is negligible on the space-time fabric of the universe. if all the weight of the saber is concentrated about its hilt, how do you swing the saber gracefully and like a sword? that's ridiculous. just think about it, and imagine you're holding a sword where the hilt is extremely heavy, and the blade weightless. it would be well nigh impossible to fight with a sword of that nature. the centre of mass would be so close to your hands as the pivot that fighting would be reduced to trying to at least get the saber to swing in the general direction of your opponent. not to mention the fact that it would be extremely easy to overswing and slice off one of your own limbs, a la darth vader in reverse.
you just think about that, now, while i think up something more interesting to say. |
| kessel :: 2301 : 160804 :: inscribe an insult [ 1 insult ] |
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pimp.
at this point i need to pimp something to all of you.
livingwithstyle
possibly the best troll-free liveliest community on the interweb. i'm there, under kessel. you should go there now. if you do decide to sign up, which i'm sure you will do, simply because the forums are a great place, full of humour and wit and good things, do put kessel down as your referrer. with a capital k.
this has been a public service announcement. |
| kessel :: 1321 : 170704 :: inscribe an insult [ 3 insults ] |
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| kessel :: 2040 : 040704 :: inscribe an insult [ 6 insults ] |
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