It's quite an awesome experience when 2 people who are already happy on their own comes together... Easy math.. no subtraction (from each other) but only additions and multiplications involved.. :)
Are values like Gratitude, Patience, Compassion, Selflessness, Empathy (not sympathy; Pls understand the difference) and Courage (which means not keeping quiet when your loved ones are being bullied or even risking years of friendship to defend and protect) are so useless and not valued in today's society anymore....?
+Assumptions+
One of the main culprits. Stems from lacking the courage to confront and choose to assume.. leading to misunderstanding and resentments. Simple?
+Gratitude+
Look around you.. How many of your frenships (lets choose the closest ones) were made entirely on your own. Lets say we play a game of 'Joining the dots'.. Were you once simply a single dot? Who holds the collection of dots as well as the lines dat joined them together? People can sometimes forget their origins so easily... and they can call me forgetful.. Lol
Since we are on the topic of forgetfullness... I am now medically certified as having Adult ADD. So i wonder what does that make you? I guess a simple Immature shouldnt be too harsh.. Seriously.. who would ever say such a thing like asking one of any couple to join them while emphasizing on the unneccesity presence of the other one? To think that a person passed his 40s would have been wiser... I guess age doesnt correlate with wisdom at all. Thank u for proving me this theory right. Its hard to earn back the respect and especially knowing what he will do next.. ie. to begin spreading the negatives like a loud speaker he is... Quite predictable actually.
The younger one.. aka ermm.. lets use Monkey. I dun think i even wanna waste time talking abt that one. Simply just frivalous with no insights and depth.
+DAFT+
When you form this ally with someone who has been detesting all of you all this time. That is plain stupid. Sometimes i wonder why i even bother to defend you when your 'chosen' one mocks at you. Anyway Great! A bunch of daft people getting together who cannot see anything beyond the surface helping one another achieve some form of security in bigger numbers. Hope that can help remove some fear of insecurity..
Duration of any r/s indeed proves nothing. I think the ability to understand another human being is genetically in-built. Either you have it or you dun. I have accepted dat. And the four of them lacks them.
To end this.. let me try to be as blunt as I can.. You guys are probably my worst long term investment. No sense of gratitude. Inability to forgive. Lack of patience.. I think as a parting gift.. you guys can have one another..
If there is one thing i am good at.. It will be finding new higher quality frens with better insights and depth to replace the existing ones.. Afterall, one had hardly any frens.. the other got to know most frens thru me.. I am optimistic... I am just saying my piece to release that pent up negative energy.. so i wont affect anyone, or hold any anger, resentment or bitterness towards you all.. :) Have a great life together Daft Team...
just one more thing to add.. you cant make someone envious if they hv remove the envy component within them.
I thought my saddest days were behind me..
Until today.
The hurt and pain is almost unbearable
Watching that expression of fear on his mum and nephew's faces
like i was somebody dangerous..
it hurts so much..
I told auntie that we'd known each other for almost 4 years!
and how i doted on their family
she dare not even come near to the door
and i overheard her from the corner talking on the phone
that i 'shi dou bu yao zhou'
dat pierced my heart..
Is gratitude really extinct?
I stood by him 3 years when he was jobless..
my parents doted on him like a son..
but never did i expect he would turn the whole family against me
I couldnt stop my tears from flowing..
Imagine all dat you have invested..
is suddenly just swept away
simply from listening to the instruction of one person
who advocates about honesty but hv been lying for so long.
I just did not understand why must the person destroy my spirit and confidence even when happiness had already been found in another..
What ever happened to all the love that once existed?
Cant i even be spared a little empathy?
It's no wonder for most r/s towards the end stages they are usually rocky
becoz the patience and love have already been transferred to another..
I wish him happiness...
One day perhaps he will understand that the greatest love is really
about forgiveness, patience and simply knowing the other is happy.
Always be wary of those with the inability to forgive.
- They never forget and they want to punish the person who them wrong
- Dun expect them to offer 2nd chances
Observe their level of determination
- This relates to how far they'd go for revenge
Observe compassion (or lack of) levels for others.
- This shows how much empathy they have even when the enemy is down
Observe their analytical abilities
- This allows successful manipulation of people perceptions towards them
Observe their anger management
- This is basically the fuel tank.. you will know whether it is empty or full
Observe ability to understand true intentions behind actions/words?
- this shows a skewed and rigid mindset which is easily offended/provoked
Observe energy sources of these people
- They may be draining it from you if they do not have channels of their own
Normally Left Brained.
Left brains are seen as "smarter" and tend to be
•analytical,
•logical,
•sequential.
These subject areas have "sequential rules" and they respond to this. Lefts also naturally evaluate what's wrong and why it won't work.
They are sensitive to flaws of self and others almost to the point of not being able to accept a person because of their flaws. They tend to not see the whole person but the flaw(s).
The world is linear to them. The left-brained person doesn't see the end result and needs to go through the steps, one-by-one and sees the big picture when all the little steps are completed.
Skeptical
Lefts are skeptical of anything new. They resist anything new and untried.
They defend the familiar and ordinary and are likely to say, "This is how we do it here."
When a new concept is mentioned, they are likely to say, "Why change things? What's wrong with the way we are doing things?"
These are the people that come home from work and get upset that the furniture has been rearranged. "What was wrong with things they way they were?"
Some have called lefts the gatekeepers to new ideas. They stand at the proverbial gate ensuring that "None of those new ideas get past me!"
New Ideas
Since lefts are not very good about thinking "out of the box", they rarely come up with innovative or creative ideas. When they do, it is likely that it is an idea of a right-brain that was abandoned or stolen. Once the idea has been mentioned, a left may be able to use the information and actually make the plan work. However, without the right brain, they would have never created it.
***is obvious that lefts and rights need to team up and work together. One side completes the other.
I am well aware that adversities are placed in our path to give us opportunities to grow stronger, become wiser and to become a better person. I hv faced, defeated and recovered from so many defeats, disappointments and failures.... But this one is really hard... I am doing my best not to be needy and to be self sufficient but i am really truly scared... How and why can I still be so frightened when even the fear of loneliness and death I have learnt to overcome... A part of me kept telling me I wont get thru this one... Pls go easy on me universe pls..... i am so exhausted, just feel like throwing in the towel...
I resonate very deep with your message.. I feel there is only one me against all.. But I do not feel fear being the only one.. I feel your emotions in the first video.. makes me cry too.. you are god-sent!
So I went to the Happy Science lecture at Raffles Hotel all by myself
I cannot deny there wasnt any trepidation within me
I mean I know deep down inside the ultimate objective of such talks are to get one to join the religion.. There wasnt any mention of the word religion in the promo ad I saw in StraitsTimes by the way, which I thought was very clever by the way. Don't get me wrong, I would still have gone even if they did mention religion.
The main tagline was simply "The Day the World comes together for True Happiness".. and it said their founder, Master Ryuho Okawa's universal teachings of love, wisdom and self-reflection and progress have inspired and changed the lives of many"
Well so far all that seems to goes down well with my current belief plus
I was really curious. It had always been my nature and I hv finally decided to embrace it.
So we were made to do some warm-ups because it was just after lunch and the Jubilee Hall was indeed in a very nice condition to sleep with low warm lights, air-conditioned and cosy seats. I thought the warm up was really great.. I will keep that with me for a good long time. It was simple and it does get the blood circulation kinda moving.. :)
There was a simple meditation at the beginning.. nice tranquil music and projection of a stream... I enjoyed dat... So far so good.. Then the uncle in front of me started snoring... It kinda amused me a bit but I know I must focus.. Kinda drifted in and out of my alpha state now and then. I know I'm really bad at meditation anyway (could be my ADHD) but I still wanna try at least.
I gave my utmost respect to all that is happening.. Then we were shown a video telecast of Master Ryuho in Japanese talk with someone translating it (there was no subtitles). It started with sceneries of the earth and all the beautiful images of animals and landscapes... before the lens fell onto this empty stage with lotsa huge Batman-signal kinda spotlights shining around anticipating the arrival of the founder. The lights scanned the seated audience which was like enormous.. almost like our city harvest church..
Eventually all the spotlights came to the centre and Master Ryuho stood while the crowd cheered and clapped. I dont feel really good at this point.
In a nutshell.. He's somebody who had been incarnated before as Hermes in Greece, then as Shakyamuni Buddha in India, El Elohim (Middle East) and after his enlightenment his spiritual name is now El Cantare (I think). That could be the reason why he's probably able to link all the different religions together.. I mean that's a great thing that he is helping Humanity of course. His intentions are all good and he does seem like a nice sorta fella.
But I have my own fixed set of belief system now.. which I never thought could be this amazingly unshakeable. I am usually a very easily shakeable person. Somehow it stood firm while I sat through the entire lecture unwavering. It dawned on me the true reason why I was there today. It was to learn and understand the Fear that some people have about losing their own religion and beliefs (esp when they are already so deep-rooted in). This is why their minds choose to shut out another religion (and even a different perspection) completely. They may even condemn or mock another (I know becoz i did dat too b4). Simply because the fear in them feared finding out that they had been following the wrong ideas or perhaps it was Ego that made them think that all the other belief systems were wrong. Blind faith perhaps?
I quickly read thru the books that was given to us upon registering. I thought that his teachings on love, self-reflection, etc were all really good... and this religion encourages meditation.. How cool is dat. Thumbs up!
I only grew uncomfortable when the word Lord.. Salvation.. Temple.. was mentioned. In my own beliefs, here is another person claiming to bridge GOD and man when in fact he is pulling them further apart. We are all Gods. God is waiting to be discovered from within ourselves, our physical body is the Temple. We are all One with the Universe.
I am sure he is aware of this fact. That i see is a bad intention. Becoz thru this intention, there is some deception involved and he is already clinging to the Ego. He wanted followers and he wanted to be hold in high regard of. And for one to do that, he needs to become like a master/pastor/politician.. (lotsa other names one can think of dat associates one with power and control and fame). He needed the feeling to be respected and recognized by many. Buddha, Osho and Kabbalah do not need their students to treat them like celebrities.. They simply dispense teachings.. we go apply them then we decide ourselves what is best for us.. The number of followers really doesnt prove anything. Sometimes the greatest lessons can even come from the most unlikely sources and it may not be something comfortable to us at first sight. M comes to my head. I guessed I admit i sorta dozed off too like the uncle during the video and quickly sat back up straight when the lights came on. I am still showing respect by not being too obvious.
Nevertheless, if Ryuho could bring people from warring religions together peacefully. I think that is one of the greatest achievement for any individual already. I remembered one of his speakers said this.. "Just like in school.. we moved to secondary school after primary school... we progress from one religion to the next.. even Christians.. something.." I was like "WOW.. dats quite a statement". I looked around to see ppl reactions and clearly everybody agreed. But this religion is not for me as much as I respect its core objective. In fact, I should thank it for teaching me that all religions are just as genuine.. BUT, every religion also lacked parts and gaps that another religion could fill up. What a paradox! and a reminder to self again about "All is one, yet each is separate".
In fact, today's episode had taught me that there is no one single religion best for me. I still feel very Buddhist after so much exploration. I am even more courageous now to sit thru anything else. My impulse almost had me joining the City Harvest mass at Suntec Ballroom 3. Maybe another time. Buddhism had given me my most important dharma foundation. Reiki had taught me to believe in energy and raise my awareness. Family Constellation had taught me that there is no coincidences in our lives and everybody is fighting their own battle.. as well as things are not what they always seem fom the surface. Very impt lesson for me. Happy Science like Buddhism and Kabbalah teaches us to accept that all bad and good situations are planted there for us to fine tune ourselves into the ultimate right path.. unless we consciously decide against it. Kabbalah and Youtube had taught me TRUTH and that Perception is a very tricky thing to deal with. Osho had taught me how to de-program my mind. Also very impt. Like Bjork's lyrics.. 'Fuck logic and believe in your sweet Intuition'. We simply cannot stick to just one fixed set of mindframe, otherwise we'd miss out so much. Dats my belief at least.
There was even a lucky draw at the end.. i was still quickly reading thru the book while the rest of the audience were acting like they are playing 4D. I wanted to make an effort to get an overview of Happy Science so that I will not judge it. In fact, I'd think it could really be the next up and coming religion. Watch out for it! I figured that if my lucky draw number got called up.. I would gladly give the prize to any of the uncle aunties there, just simply knowing dat it would make them happy. Then I will be happy.
I was looking like a mess
I have not bathed and shaven for the last 24hours..
I was lethargic and bloated... i didnt sleep well the previous night..
aircon wasnt working...
I was just feeling like crap...
I decided to snap outta it
Enough is enough..
I am responsible for the state i am in
So I did a quick Q-10 facial mask after the aircon was fixed
showered, shaved and I ventured out to Tampines
with a list of items for only myself
Just this once.
I noticed a strange feeling of Abundance starts pouring in.
As I queued behind a couple buying the ezlink (it was my first time)
I felt a sense of uneasiness building up towards the card machine nearing my turn
exactly like the same kind when i am overseas buying the right train ticket
At the end, it was just a piece of cake.
It is so much easier here in Singapore i tell u.
It's a strange day... (opps.. Goldfrapp's Utopia suddenly pops into my head)
The world looks very different to me
I could see everybody so clearly, almost like through them
what i mean is..
I could see their individual distinctive strengths.. for some, their frustrations..
others, their insecurities despite their cool stylish exteriors
but more importantly the level of their state of consciousness
So extremely clearly..
At Tampines One,
I saw this old lady sitting on a bench alone eating takeaway food
My empathy starts kicking in and I tot she's kinda pitiful
Part of mind tells me to eat my dinner at the foodcourt
But instead I chose the other option and bought takeaway as dinner
I wanted very much to understand what it feels like to be in her position
As I approached a bench with 2 kids sitting on it..
I asked the little boy & his sister politely "can i share this bench with you?"
And he replied "yea sure" happily and even shifted to give me more space
Something inside suddenly sparkled and warms me up
It was kinda like I'd never gotten this kinda respect from adults when i was a child... But that doesnt mean I have to do the same and deprived them of what I did not get.
Did I just gave away something I didnt get as a child to somebody else? Yes I did.
Did I just showed respect for even kids? Yes I did.
I was so fucking proud of myself then la :)
So I sat down by the bench and ate my takeaway just like the old lady
There was this simple kind of euphoria and simpleness that engulfed me
She is not pitiful at all... My perception was all wrong.. wrong.. wrong..
I wasted my energy on the emotionally draining Empathy
Now that I am doing the same thing as her,
I understood she is not pitiful..
In fact, nobody should even pity another person
when the person is not even pitying themselves.
How Outrageous to have somebody pitying me or her.. That person's crazy!
And that person was me.
(This differs from other cases where ppl playing victimized roles actually seeks and desires ppl to pity them).
So I was applying everything I'd learnt to actual situations tonight..
I gave every single person the same respect and patience..
I'd always choose myself to be last in turn unless the person insists that i go ahead
(And that is because I know he/she will be happy if I accept their offer)
Carrying with me the "Grattitude Attitude Theory"..
suddenly everything i look at seems just so damn fascinating..
That blasé feeling towards life had disappeared.
I was looking at stationery... toiletries.. computer gadgets.. etc
with such awe and amazement...
while recalling the "Intention behind Actions Theory" (Kabbalah)
If I put myself in the place of an inventor,
I know I'd never be able to come up with such an idea (the product of Intention) like dat.
So I kinda even showed inanimate objects respect. Haha!
Dat was an amazing feeling.
So I bought a new stack of canon A4 80g/m2 paper, Sony DVDs (25pcs), blue berries and cranberries for my cereal... and a red Ozaki iphone4 casing with protector for my mum at a steal of $8.90! (original $30). I couldnt find any iphone3 covers... it's like as if they are forcing everybody to upgrade to iphone4. I think I'd like to stick with my iphone3 for a bit longer.. it is still serving my needs well and i dont need any additional features or functions yet.
As I walked home... I started to think about this blog
If it hadnt been for that person who angered to the extent of reopen this blog...
I wouldnt have found a place to express myself or release any pent-up emotions.
So for that, I want to thank you.
Much gratitude to you Gorillaboy!
So here I am back at where I first started headfones..
This is not another new chapter.
This is a New Book.
Started out as a bored thought
a 1hr trip to Rio to join the outrageous carnival
a walk down Ipanema beach to check out the hot bods..
:: Getting started..
Collected personal Brazilian images as a starting point
using this mix by DJ Chus Balearica'11 week26
had scanned thru briefly prior and tot it was a great set
:: Here it comes..
i wa3 in Brazil... taking in the breeze and great energy of this place..
I see ppl playing drums.. soccer on the beach.. bossa nova
Smiling... exactly like wat i'd expected
a vacation inside my room.. inside my head..
:: The next wave..
then it went beyond Brazil..
i see space.. and vastness..
a waterfall in space..
hundreds of past faces of myself flashed before me
an entire forest being drained into a sinkhole..
I was the one who had made that decision!
and I hv the power to create anything
I became pure consciousness
There was this sudden discomfort in my calves
I'm awared dat a part of my physical body is starting to swell
i visualized an intricate network of systems that cross-sected my body
I immediately zoomed in on my calves... 3D perspective
There was this immense feeling dat I know I can fix it on my own
using simply my own mental thoughts
i removed the layers systematically
until i could see almost every veins in my calves..
i spotted the valves that were not strong and they gave me a sad pity look
But I sensed no sadness for them (the valves)
Only a truckload of empathy for them to be well
A different group of entities but still so important nontheless
With them weak.. the entire human system is also affected
"All things are one.. Yet each thing is separate." I thought...
it all makes sense..
The tempo of the music changed...
it took away my focus and changed my state of emotions
I began travelling once more...
becoming an observer once more...
I saw this huge tower collapsing slow mo..
and i could watch it collapsing from all angles.. circling around it
like wind....
I shall try once more
Reminder to screen consistency of mix sets..
and to not shift the body for it disconnects the images..
Will look forward to the next appointment with Consciousness
Focus will be on repair job..
And something else dat I finally understood...
sudden tempo changes in music affects significantly
especially if one is accessing the deepest recess of their subconscious
and old memories seriously at that point in time
Now I feel really bad for those times I keep changing songs
Oh well.. everything in its own time..
I wont anymore. If there is a next time...
The Self-fufilling prophecy is proven to be true afterall.
We manifests what our thoughts think towards...
And the Universe helps you to achieve it...
mistaking that you wanted so badly for it to happen
When we act like we are going to lose something...
We normally almost really do end up losing it..
I've lost many things.. including people this way
so I know.. People told me the same thing
It didnt get into my head at all..
Now I stand in a different perspective
seeing the same thing happening before my eyes
I tried hanging on to it for as long as I could
I even tried to prevent it with my newly acquired awareness
and the patience I tot that was stroger than anyone else..
Yet it still happened
And just like all the usual stories we always heard
I would hv expected something a bit more special and different
considering this was really my biggest experience ever
but the anger had engulfed whatever that was once beautiful
I couldnt stop his thought that was already so deeply engraved
until every good intention is misinterpreted in the worst possible way
I became the biggest enemy :(
the situation was pushed to that state of emegency
until everything crumbles... and...
The prophecy is fulfilled..
created with our very own thoughts
I'd always thought that words were most powerful
Today I learnt that thoughts are more power than words
Nevertheless.. there are so much in every inch of the new me
Nothing was lost. So much is gained.
I am simply filled with extreme gratitude
for the lessons that I had learnt
and what I have become today
I am a better person because of you.
"Minds are bound to be different because they consist of thoughts. When there are clouds in the sky then each cloud is diffrent, but when there are no clouds at all then the sky is one and the same."
