|
Economical with the actualitie? Moi?
In today's 'dog bites man' news, dear old Mario apparently told Howard Stern that all the celebrity weeklies print lies! Except People and Us Weekly! Who knew?
Lies? Well of course they print lies, and Us Weekly and People are right up there with them.
Does anyone really think that every time Britney goes on the cover of People, with flab the size of Peru and her encrusted craterous face carefully airbrushed into oblivion, and for a handly little $20,000 bung tells us all about how happy she is in her marriage and how she's not washed up and she and Kevin don't fight and she's a great mother and she's never so much as SEEN one of them 'drug' things everyone talks about, and she cares deeply for all the children and kittens in the world, that she is abso-fuckinglutely telling the truth?
And I'm sure that when Jessica Simpson gave an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW to Us Weekly, gushing over that walking ball of lard Nick Lachey, and assuring the world that their marriage was ROCK SOLID and would last a thousand lifetimes and she wasn't shagging Johnny Vaughn and Nick hadn't screwed a porn star, that Janice Min personally hooked her up to a lie-detector before agreeing to print a word of it. Oh yes.
And, y'know, when Brad and Jen were telling everyone how completely and utterly they were together and threatening to sue the fuck out of anyone who said anything to the contrary up until five minutes before they announced their split, I really really really really really believed them. Didn't you? Those carefully posed and totally authentic romantic pics of them on holiday together - you know, the ones taken AFTER they'd decided to divorce. Well, they fooled Bonnie Fuller too - "It's Baby Time!". Which was probably the point. Touche, Bonnie. Big time.
And as for Lindsay Lohan going ON THE RECORD to say she did, I mean, didn't have an eating disorder, and did/didn't/did? take drugs, I believed her too. Yes I did, and I will continue to believe her and her rotting septum until she hits rehab. I mean, is hospitalized for 'exhaustion'.
And when Tom Cruise bounced on those sofas and shouted to the heavens of his love for Katie Holmes, goddamit, I shed tears of joy for the lovebirds. Because I am utterly convinced that he was telling the truth, because celebrities don't lie.
Bollocks they don't.
As for the rest of the "sources say" crap you get in the celeb weeklies that these overpaid undertalented botox-abusing prima donnas complain about so bitterly? Well who do you think is feeding half of this stuff to the mags? Could it be, gasp, the celebrities themselves??? Surely they would never secretly use the press to settle a score with another talentless c-list rival? Or agree to give an exclusive interview about how they're really just looking for the "right girl to love for the rest of their life", so the magazine shelves the pics of them with those tasty little boys down in in Manila that time. Perish the thought.
Oh, the irony.
UPDATE: Impeccable timing, Lindsay.
[Disclaimer: I worked as an editor on a couple of these magazines.]
Posted by eurotrash at 2:35 pm |
