1: Ask a woman? Nah, I think I'll just play "let's pretend" just as much as these clowns do. I wonder if this got published because it gave the editorial girls a good giggle in a TMI sort of way.

Posted by Sarah at 12:09 pm on 05.05.04

2: "In a cab, climb onto my lap (facing me), then stick your left leg over my shoulder and your right leg out the window. It's a little awkward, but it feels so good, we won't care."

He's having a laugh, right? He's certainly not going to be around to pick up the severed leg after the cab veers too closely to a bus. Or maye that's the bit that turns him on?

Posted by maccers at 12:24 pm on 05.05.04

3: Yeah. I'm not sure I really understand the "leg out of the cab window" thing. Am I too repressed or something?

Posted by Eurotrash at 12:27 pm on 05.05.04

4: All English girls are repressed until they have an American male. Latent colonialism apparently is an aphrodisiac to you nutty birds, and you moan things like "give me your blunderbuss, Yankee dog." I don't know, I just go with it.

Posted by sac at 12:44 pm on 05.05.04

5: I think the moment the leg gets severed is when that man actually comes. Kinky--how "Crash".

Posted by Sarah at 12:50 pm on 05.05.04

6: Yes, the chap in the cab seems to be veering too close to Crash territory. As for the rest: well, this is the sub-set of men who will answer Cosmo surveys.

Posted by Liadnan at 1:30 pm on 05.05.04

7: so glad to be a lesbian . . .

so, so glad.

Posted by another first time poster, lon at 1:33 pm on 05.05.04

8: here's a tip: feed me my two hits of ecstacy with your tongue, then chew up a blotter full of acid and let's pass it back and forth during a vigorous session of tonsil-hockey. you can snort a brain-numbingly long line of blow off of my 'little man', and dissolving a gram or so of black tar in your 'down there' will ensure that i give your 'excitement' a thorough 'tasting'. we'll both wake up two days later pretty well convinced we had the best sex of our lives.

Posted by your dealer at 1:43 pm on 05.05.04

9: I'd prefer that to licking your armpits, to be honest.

Posted by Eurotrash at 1:46 pm on 05.05.04

10: What are the season's new pubic hair styles?

Posted by anonymous hobbit at 1:50 pm on 05.05.04

11: Bald is the new black.

Posted by Eurotrash at 1:57 pm on 05.05.04

12: You say sniffer like it's an insult.

And wait... women HAVE orgasms?

Posted by paul at 2:06 pm on 05.05.04

13: Bald is back? I thought there some sort of pro-pubes backlash coming out of your musky city.

Posted by Mrs. Kennedy at 2:17 pm on 05.05.04

14: I alone in this world am not afraid to stand against the shallow tide of fashion. I am proud of my pubes and support their right to live in peace and harmony with my body. Mostly.

Posted by Eurotrash at 2:20 pm on 05.05.04

15: The talk of pubes and English types is rampant today.

Posted by sac at 2:24 pm on 05.05.04

16: yeah... what's up with that? i sniff, i mean smell, something fishy. maybe it's the day-old lox over at the deli.

Posted by your dealer at 2:32 pm on 05.05.04

17: I don't understand the need for articles like that. Men have the ability to get turned on with lube and an MPEG. Then they get old and fat and their wives either become sexless old bags or, if they're smart, they go on a cruise with their friends and find some Jamaican news boy for a drink and a bang. What turns me on is the recipe for masala. I ordered Brit Spice, but I'm cooking this weekend for some friends. [insert emoticon here]

Posted by * at 2:37 pm on 05.05.04

18: What I'm hearing then is that bald black bread bins are the "it" thing this summer.

Think I'll skip that fad.

Posted by anonymous hobbit at 2:47 pm on 05.05.04

19: I pretty sure the subjects "interviewed" in that article were made up by Mr. Sicha. People like that just cannot be.

Posted by sac at 2:47 pm on 05.05.04

20: Garam Masala from Britspice, by Manju Malhi.

8 whole cloves
8 cinnamon sticks
8 green cardamom pods
4 black cardamom pods
1 tbsp cumin seeds
1 tbsp coriander seeds
2 tbsp black peppercorns
1 tsp black mustard seeds
1 tsp brown caraway seeds
half a nutmeg, grated

Heat a frying pan and add all the spices and toast them gently, without letting them burn. Leave to cool and then put them into a coffee grinder and give it a whizz until they're powder. You'll probably need to do this in batches.

Et voila. Home-made garam masala.

Posted by Eurotrash at 2:50 pm on 05.05.04

21: heh. she said whizz.

Posted by choire's bf at 3:00 pm on 05.05.04

22: is it really that hard for men to get excited about having sex?

well maybe it is which would explain the recent glut of E.D. drugs being advertized on the TV.

Posted by snowy at 3:30 pm on 05.05.04

23: I'm obsessed with the cab scenario...I can't even get to second base in a taxi at 3 a.m. on St. Patrick's Day without the driver pulling over and demanding that seat belts be applied! It is funny to imagine rush hour traffic with all these stockinged legs protruding from cab windows, though.
As for the donut thing...I don't know about desperate Cosmo readers, but I try to limit my sexual repertoire to That Which Can Be Done With a Straight Face.

Posted by lindsay at 3:31 pm on 05.05.04

24: ET and Maccers and their Anglican innuendo have got me all hot and bothered. Let me run and get two enormous slices of bread.

Posted by The Earl of Sandwich at 4:03 pm on 05.05.04

25: I'm still laughing/crying from the doughnut thing. I can't believe the guy being interviewed was able to say that with a straight face.

And how about bra as blindfold? I mean what sort of boulder holder/padded affair would be appropriate for that use? Are the cups supposed to be eyepillows?

Posted by TCC at 4:10 pm on 05.05.04

26: i HATE girls like you!! lots of us men have back hair and since we know women don't like how it looks a lot of us get it waxed during the summer months and that stuff hurts!! if we can do it so can you.

Posted by Not So Wild About Harry at 4:49 pm on 05.05.04

27: why can't you use the scrunchies as a blindfold?

Posted by Ron Mwangaguhunga at 5:02 pm on 05.05.04

28: The "horse's mouth" analogy is dangerous, since many men do not compare favorably with horses. And all this talk of pubic hair -- for me, the only hair on a woman that's a really big turn off would be a full blown Fu Manchu mustache.

Where did Cosmo find the men who came up with this crap? Women need make no special effort to get men excited about sex. Then again, maybe it's fortunate that I find eye-rolling, annoyed sighing, and derisive laughter increadibly erotic.

Posted by rasputin at 5:19 pm on 05.05.04

29: Not So Wild
Give up waxing now, nothing turns the ladies on more than licking the sugar out of your luxuriant back pelt after playing hide the sausage with our krispy kremes

Posted by samphire at 6:00 pm on 05.05.04

30: Yes, i admit most of its ridiculous-- major problems with the bra as blindfold suggestion. These men are obviously complete novices but you're all wrong about the armpits. This is the path, provided the deodrant doesn't make your tongue, gums, and teeth feel like they're going to powder up and fall-out. Dessicant anyone?

Posted by isabella at 6:16 pm on 05.05.04

31: Re: the remote: No. Equity. At. All. Just slide that action right over here.

Posted by TCC at 7:32 pm on 05.05.04

32: Why would yelling "More, more" be an ego trip? Doesn't it imply that what's there at the moment isn't enough?

Posted by cab man at 8:10 pm on 05.05.04

33: I really am not trying to brag, but isn't a donut hole a bit small?

And why go to all that trouble, anyway? My wife can turn me on by taking off her shirt. No, actually, she doesn't have to do that. She can turn me on by being awake. I'm a man -- we're not that hard to get... uhm... hard.

Posted by Owain at 9:42 pm on 05.05.04

34: There are no tricks -- just enthusiasm. Which I reckon rules out the Brits.

Posted by Pfffm at 10:27 pm on 05.05.04

35: Right, like a man really wrote any of that. Here's what Cosmo sex advice would look like if written by a man: "Give blowjobs, take it up the tradesman's, don't talk afterward, and don't complain about it." End of article.

Posted by The Vicar at 12:02 am on 05.06.04

36: "Use your scrunchie as a ring around my member."

This is New York. We don't wear scrunchies.

>On the bus from NYC to Maine today I could not stop thinking "Hello, Maine! It's 2004! Stop wearing scrunchies!" This was prior to reading this entry, oddly enough.

Posted by suchin cherry at 12:37 am on 05.06.04

37: The magic behind any kink is spontaneity. The risk is that it might drive you wild, or fail miserably. Who cares?

I'm 33, and I still surprise myself with my ability to innovate when I'm inspired.

Typical American crap, "setting boundaries" and "creating an itinerary" when all you really need to do is fuck.

P.S.: Some of us have been shaving pubes and waxing backs since the '80's. It's not about fashion, it feels good and is easier to clean.

Posted by Jellyguy at 7:40 am on 05.06.04

38: fan-fucking-tastic.

Posted by al at 3:53 pm on 05.06.04

39: >I'm still laughing/crying from the doughnut thing. I >can't believe the guy being interviewed was able to >say that with a straight face.

I hate to shatter anyone's illusions about the standards of reporting in women's magazine, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts (heh) that some editor came up with this one. In fact, how recent is this article? Because I distinctly remember seeing that donut thing in some women's magazine a year ago. So either this item is a year old, Cosmo is reusing its material, more than one magazine is quoting the same cheesy book and passing it off as advice from real guys, or the same real guy with the donut fetish got quoted twice. Maybe he's the same guy who fed Choire that thing about shaved pubes.

Posted by dlr at 4:19 pm on 05.06.04

40: Enlightening!

Posted by stereogum at 4:31 pm on 05.06.04

41: guys never use the word "scrunchie".

>Some of us have been shaving pubes and waxing backs since the '80's. It's not about fashion, it feels good and is easier to clean.

wow. so innovative. no wonder my back and privates are caked in filth.

Posted by time squared at 4:48 pm on 05.06.04

42: That's funny, in this week's Men's Health there's a bit about ladies really wanting a cruller in their coot - says it's "sweet and romantic." Who knew?

Posted by K. Thor Jensen at 5:01 pm on 05.06.04

43: Am I really provincial if I admit to not knowing what a "cruller in their coot" means? I have several ideas, but they're all making me nervous.

Posted by Eurotrash at 5:04 pm on 05.06.04

44: A cruller is a kind of donut, i think, but ewwww.

Posted by lux at 5:30 pm on 05.06.04

45: Once again, women's magazines asking rejects, pedophiles, and losers what women should do to make a man happy in bed.

4 things

1) Oral
2) Tell us what you want
3) Talk dirty
4) More Oral

Reading that list made me disgusted. No guy wants a chick to lick his palm. What is this the Tommy Lee guide to landing a chick???

Posted by Val Kilmer at 8:41 pm on 05.06.04

46: Wouldn't someone wearing a bra-blindfold look a bit like a human fly?

Or is that the point?

Posted by misty laine at 10:38 am on 05.07.04

47: That guys like this exist does not surprise me. That women will read it and assume all guys are like this disappoints me.

For the record, this boy doesn’t need to be coaxed at gunpoint to go down on his lady. Sometimes, it’s all I need to do to be satisfied.

I just think the editors need to stop asking hobos for sex advice.

Posted by Immutably Me at 11:34 am on 05.07.04

48: jeez your penis can fit through a donut hole; why bother just fuck the eclair!!!

Posted by kd at 12:21 pm on 05.07.04

49: THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING WAY THOSE LAME_ASS SSUGGESTION WERE WRITTEN BY A GUY.

Posted by boogie_doggie at 1:52 pm on 05.07.04

50: I don't even know where to start. I have to go back to work and somehow manage to concentrate on something other than this. I may never be able to drive past a Dunkin Donuts again, which is a bad thing, since there's one just down the road from my office.

I think the bra-blindfold had better be a soft-cup. You might poke his eyes out with an underwire.

Posted by onyxblue at 4:13 pm on 05.07.04

51: "I love feeling your thighs tremble and tasting your excitement, but I can be shy about making the move. So gently nudge my head downward. I'll happily get the hint"

Here's a hint - equal opportunity. My rule is generally you get what you give. So unless you're looking for no oral ever again, start learning to not be shy. And no, this does not mean nudging my head down there to give me the hint to do the same.

If these were real guys, they have to have been the real weird answers, and we're missing all the more 'normal' ones.

Posted by Aubs at 12:03 pm on 05.08.04

52: eurotrash's play-by-play comments are pretty presumptuous about what the males being interviewed are like... uh, sorry your guy is shit in bed, euro, but mine isn't. it kinda takes two: one person to be bad in the sack, and one to leave him and find someone better. they're out there. stop fucking losers.

Posted by sc at 7:46 pm on 05.09.04

53: i like the whole dickin-donut idea!!!

Posted by howie iz at 3:29 pm on 05.10.04

54: I'd really be impressed if you wore the scrunchie home!!!!

Posted by justin case at 3:32 pm on 05.10.04

55: Cosmo? Recycling articles?! Noooo! They'd *never* do that!

Posted by taiwan_on at 2:48 am on 05.12.04

56: LMAO!!!!!!! this was great!!!! thanks for the laugh, but I must admit, my co-workers probably think I am insane, I busted out laughing so hard, people stopped what they where doing to stare at me! you might get me fired just so you know!!

Posted by Penny at 6:51 pm on 05.13.04

57: All you really need is hygiene and enthusiasm.

Posted by mystic rock at 9:38 pm on 06.07.04

58: My God you folks act like sex is something new.

When I was 17-21 years old in the Navy the women in europe actually told me where they wated the tongue placed etc..

I must admit the log I kept out of the 87 women I had in 3 years all but 4 were married.

Malta, Spain, Greece, Italy etc Only the American girls had hang ups about getting oral during their monthly (which by the way is not unclean)

Many women are actually hornier and now 40 years later women realize sex is supposed to be enjoyable DUHHHHH

Posted by Wet spot at 7:57 pm on 03.14.05

59: I hope you ladies don't feel since I am a man I should take a walk but I accidently stumbled onto this site and read what you all had to say. I have seen, for years how boys and men treat the opposite sex and they have totally grossed me out.

Personally, unless you're out for a fling or just want to know what turns a guy on sexually you really are missing the boat. The relationships I have had in the past and present weren't ones with a sexual target. First and formost a REAL MAN treats his girlfriend, etc. as a lady and he conducts himself as a total gentleman.

Each need to get to know each other in as many ways as possible without sexual inuendo. The best experiences in ralationships I have experienced were those where the one or the other weren't wanting to know or be curious of what turned the other on sexually.

Just like my current relationship being one of a friendship that developed in time over a period of almost 11 years we don't need to know what or ask what turns the other on. It never enters into our conversations. There are instances where "Love at first sight" results in a long and committed realtionship with each other. At the top of the list is "TRUST", secondly "HONESTY", Third " RESPECT" for each other....not necessarily in this order.

So, if you want a real man forget the sexual thing and look at his character...what is is , what he does, does he have a job with a good steady income, does he have his OWN car and have his own place to live. As far as sex goes, if you really get to know each other... neither needs to know what turns the other on, you just be yourselves and your instincts will take over and you will experience the best intimacies, etc you could only otherwise dream of.

I know ladies...a real man and a real woman know...my lady knows and well to be real blunt here, what we experience during our romantic moments, if it were possible, would set the bedsheets on fire....and this romantic interlude usually lasts from beginning to end...and I am guessing ...for about 2 hours and are the most fantastic moments in both our lives. We love each other with a passion. SO if you want this for yourself use the same rules I noted above. Every man and woman have the right to know what the other is about. It's up to you whether you long for such a relationship or are out like butterflies looking fo sporatic moments of cheap thrills. It is my pleasure to please my lady FIRST and over time I discovered how to do just that as well as she likewise has learned. She is my best friend, lover, she is my wife. I didn't get any of this from any magazine. I wish the same good fortune to come your way.

Posted by George at 12:34 pm on 09.05.05

60: What in the hell are you doing licking women during their "monthlys"? That is the nastiest fucking thing I have ever heard. Are you some kind of retarded vampire? How could that be the least bit erotic for either of you?

Posted by disgusted at 5:58 pm on 10.13.05

61: Thank you George. I agree with you.

Posted by person at 12:08 pm on 01.20.06

62: Dear lord!

I am a woman and I'm pretty sure that women from Malta, Spain, Greece, Italy wouldn't like some horny vampire eating them out while on PERIOD!

Also, what do you mean "Only" American woman? Huh? It's not about where you fucking are from it's about if you like to get tongue fucked during your period when you have awful stomach pains and dripping blood!

Does men even want to do that!? Swallowing blood instead of cum? You know, while during period not ONLY blood comes out ..

That's so far off from hygine. Disgusting.

Posted by Aya at 8:22 am on 04.04.06

63: i hate cosmo, as i hate most women's magazines that encourage hollywood skinniness and self-objectification. and the donut/cab/scrunchie comments leave me a little confused. but i see nothing wrong with moderate mutual kink. if anything, it is a sign that communication is open and easy in the relationship. who among you can claim that you don't have a single /slightly/ odd thing that turns you on? the dude who likes when his girlfriend licks his hand thinks it's fun and sexy when she does; it doesn't mean he fantasizes about it nightly. the real point (i think) behind the cosmo comments is fun, spontaneity, and a desire to enjoy sexuality with your lover - NOT donuts, cabs, and scrunchies per se.

i agree with SC's comments completely - the author of this article has clearly had a bad string of lovers. my guy loves going down on me, and we both care (a lot) about each other's mutual satisfaction. her attitude toward sex makes me sad -- get out there and find someone with whom you can explore.

Posted by jayne at 2:51 pm on 05.30.06

64: Nice!

Posted by Anastasios at 7:09 pm on 09.08.07