| [February 05 2004] |
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Poetry Corner. God help us.
Livejournal is a myriad of undiscovered treasures. Unlike Upsaid.com which mainly consists of bored Singaporean teenagers with elipse fetishes, Livejournal hosts some of the most bizarre bloggers you could ever wish to come across. If you want to know where to start, try LJ Drama, they're a pretty crude bunch, but they highlight some of the top insanity of this motley crew of bloggers.
However, there are also, undeniably, small pockets of talent out there in the LJ world. As demonstrated by the following poem I found over there. It moved me to indulge in some textual analysis.
*cough* Untitled.
(I would have named it Metallic Pastry, myself.)
"I read all the magazines
and from them I learn
that my period is a pain,
and the worst thing in the world
is for others to know
that I
am on the rag."
Well indeed. Death, pestilence and famine are nothing compared to everyone knowing you have the painters in. Just imagine the agony of all those menstruating women being slaughtered in the Rwandan genocide. Not ONLY were they about to get a hatchet in the head, but people would know they were wearing jam rags when they died. Sometimes, it's hard to be a woman.
"I keep a long-sleeved shirt in my locker
in case the blood ever seeps through
and I need to tie it around my waist.
In the locker room,
I try feverishly to hide the wings
that wrap around my underwear.
I stuff tampons and pads in my pockets
and up my sleeves."
Well we've all had our bleeding accidents. And darn me if we aren't always wearing beige when it happens. However, my recommendation on this one is that you stop using sanitary pads with wings if it makes you feverish. Perhaps you are allergic? Perhaps you should see a doctor. I too stuff tampons up my sleeves, but I do it to give myelf the appearance of muscle tone. It works, too - particularly when it rains and I've used the non-applicator type. I bulk up like Kevin Costner's cock at a supermodel's tea party.
"I would never tell anyone
that when I’m alone
I release my knees
and seek out the scent,
like a metallic pastry;
and I would never tell anyone
that I like it."
Look dear, I don't want to come across all schoolmarmish or anything, but I can't help but feel you're right not to tell anyone that you go around sniffing your menstrual crotch for kicks. I've never eaten a metallic pastry myself, but despite that I'm reasonably convinced most people would not really understand that simile either. That said, I've never sniffed my own menstrual crotch either, so maybe it's something one has to have *done* before one can comment. Even so, you're making me uneasy.
"I would never tell them
that before I shower
I dip my fingers into a red well
and paint my thighs
like an amazon woman…
a soft soldier,
a rounded warrior
who fights against something
but doesn’t know what."
And it's probably a good thing. I mean, I don't know you, but as you write poetry, I'm assuming you're a psychologically tortured teenager, perhaps a Goth into the bargain. Even so, imagine if you bump into your Godmother at the local Mall and she says: "Hi Honey, how are you? What have you been up to?" and you reply: "Oh Fine. I'm on this Amazon kick at the moment, so I stuck my hand up my menstruating crotch and painted my thighs with the blood." With all due respect, she'd think it a little odd, even for a teenage Goth. While your work has a certain brooding charm, I also think you ought to get out a bit more. Perhaps a Saturday job would cheer you up?
Posted by eurotrash at 8:15 pm |
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[Comments count: 46] |
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1: ET
lost your phone
dying for a drink
lgimme a ring
shit this dosen't rhyme
lost your phone
dog and bone
give me a ring I am in NYC, this proves that you're real
RD
Posted by Dam at 8:28 pm on 02.05.04 |
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2: i think i am in love.
ha!
Posted by joe ego at 9:12 pm on 02.05.04 |
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3: Where do you find this stuff?
Posted by Lux at 10:19 pm on 02.05.04 |
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4: Make it stop!
Repressed memories of ex-girlfriends are flooding back...
Goddess figurines for menstrual blood above the bed...
Moon calendars with crypic red pencil marks hanging in the bathroom...
The horror!
Posted by D at 10:35 pm on 02.05.04 |
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5: Hee! It's supposed to rain tomorrow. I will deploy my fleet of non-applicator tampons and run around intimidating everyone.
But I have to say, I'm shocked (SHOCKED!) that you are shocked, Ms. Euro ("She talks about poo, you know.") Trash.
Blood, blood, blood. Drip, drip, drip. No big deal.
Posted by larkspur at 10:52 pm on 02.05.04 |
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6: bloody stool, ribboned red
thoughts of crap dance in my head.
eurotrash, your menstrual blood
would o'erpower e'en my love of crud.
i admit, alas, i've never earned
my blood red wings, although i've yearned.
perhaps the task shall fall to you-
to eclipse with your menses
my fetish for poo.
Posted by alex at 11:22 pm on 02.05.04 |
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7: I wound up learning most of the Tori Amos catalog while dating a tortured English major in 1994. It still haunts me.
Posted by Sterling at 12:11 am on 02.06.04 |
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8: Omigod, the painters are in! Having the place painted! Wet paint! It's a whole new similic world for me over here!
Posted by Old Hag at 1:05 am on 02.06.04 |
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9: "I do it to give myelf the appearance of muscle tone"
MYELF - you've let your guard slip ET - your obsession for small people with hairy feet is showing!!!
Posted by J at 8:22 am on 02.06.04 |
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10: "While your work has a certain brooding charm, I also think you ought to get out a bit more. Perhaps a Saturday job would cheer you up?"
Is that a philanthropic note of concern?
Posted by jacinthe at 10:36 am on 02.06.04 |
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11: It would be. If I had a heart.
Posted by Eurotrash at 10:41 am on 02.06.04 |
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12: Kevin Costner has a tiny cock.
Seriously.
Posted by maccers at 10:54 am on 02.06.04 |
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13: Sterling, you mean to say that the music of Tori Amos is an homage to the menstrual experience?
Since I'm a big fan of Tori Amos, that puts my whole manic personality into perspective.
Posted by Jellyguy at 10:54 am on 02.06.04 |
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14: personally, if i have a "bleeding accident" i don't try to cover it up by jauntily tying a long sleeved shirt around my waist. i use it as a perfect excuse to go home and take the rest of the day off. perhaps even shop a little now that i've ruined my beige pants. maybe have a cappucino or something. no need to suffer and wallow in your embarrassment, dear. embrace it.
Posted by snowy at 11:07 am on 02.06.04 |
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15: She's a goth, Snowy. She's physically incapable of wallowing in anything except her hair dye. Poor love.
Posted by Eurotrash at 11:09 am on 02.06.04 |
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16: aww. this is why i lurve going to http://grouphug.us
Posted by zach at 11:40 am on 02.06.04 |
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17: I would have gone with "metallic muffin" myself.
Posted by Toast Control at 1:36 pm on 02.06.04 |
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18: You've done this "menstrual crotch-sniffing" thing before, haven't you. You craxy little minx.
Posted by Eurotrash at 1:47 pm on 02.06.04 |
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19: metallic pastry
gynaecologist prescribes
yeast infection cream
Posted by Jessica at 2:02 pm on 02.06.04 |
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20: No comment.
Posted by Virgin anon. hobbit at 2:26 pm on 02.06.04 |
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21: Uncleeean. Uncleeeeeeean.
Posted by Ash at 2:47 pm on 02.06.04 |
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22: This girl sounds like Eurotrash's little sister, or at the very least The Next Eurotrash.
How do you KNOW that this LJ user is not just being snarky? Wouldn't be the first time. *Ahem.*
Posted by an enlightened reader at 2:55 pm on 02.06.04 |
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23: I don't. But then nor do I care much. It's all grist to my evil, hateful, irresponsible anonymous mill.
Posted by Eurotrash at 2:58 pm on 02.06.04 |
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24: I knew it!!! I knew that Phone # yesterday was a hoax. @#*@*#*&!!!! Your name isn't Euro Beyonce Trash!! &&#!&@!&!!
Well, have fun with your "anonymous mill." I'm leaving, and will continue my life of grinding flour for the giants.
Posted by Anonymous hobbit at 3:03 pm on 02.06.04 |
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25: (Please note - the above post contained censored expletives. Because, I really DO think of the children.)
Posted by Anonymous hobbit at 3:20 pm on 02.06.04 |
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26: It's fucking good to know we can rely on someone to uphold standards around here.
Posted by Eurotrash at 3:27 pm on 02.06.04 |
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27: u giys r alll weeeerrrd n shit
Posted by lurking cretin at 3:34 pm on 02.06.04 |
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28: Hobbit Standards. I love it.
Posted by Sarah at 3:59 pm on 02.06.04 |
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29: I love you.
Marry me.
Save me from Maccers.
UR HOTTTTTT!!!
Posted by Your fiance at 4:47 pm on 02.06.04 |
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30: maybe i should start a blog in order to get marriage proposals.... do you ladies ever meet any of these guys who profess their undying love????
Posted by sweetchica at 4:53 pm on 02.06.04 |
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31: Yes. And then we dismember them and dissolve the remains in acid baths.
No-one is allowed to know our names and faces and live.
Posted by Eurotrash at 4:59 pm on 02.06.04 |
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32: Know what's better than LiveJournal? Fanfiction.net. My favorite is this.
Posted by * at 5:02 pm on 02.06.04 |
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34: DEAR GOD!
I'm bleeding from every orifice.
"If only -- if only -- Adolf had been born a Jew!
Then the lives would not be so few."
"I know, you say, if Adolf had hadn't been him
Then who else would have come up with the lovely whim
Of destroying the lives and futures of Israel's children?"
OH THE HORROR! DEAR GOD. THE HORROR!
Posted by Eurotrash at 5:08 pm on 02.06.04 |
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35: i am even more intrigued.
Posted by sweetchica at 5:11 pm on 02.06.04 |
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36: Dude, where's my ADL complaint form?
Posted by Jellyguy at 5:48 pm on 02.06.04 |
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37: I like the prose myself. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Anne closed her diary and looked around her. She was sitting in the secret Annex, in the chair she'd been sitting in when she'd gotten arrested. Memories flashed through her mind as she remmebered all the happy times and all the times when she thought she'd never be famous.
"You have one gift child," Tess said appearing beside her. "Your famous now."
Anne smiled. "Tess what are we doing here? Is this where my assignment is? In the secret Annex?"
"Yes, for the time being," Tess said.
Then Monica appeared beside them, along with Gloria and Andrew.
"You have wonderful writings Anne," Gloria said. "I could never write that well."
"Tess who is our assignment?" Monica asked turning to Tess.
"Here she comes," Tess said.
The angels turned and saw a girl with blonde hair come through the door. She looked about fifteen and had a sad and confused expression on her face. She roamed around the room, not noticing the angels.
Posted by * at 6:05 pm on 02.06.04 |
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38: Words actually fail me.
Posted by Eurotrash at 6:36 pm on 02.06.04 |
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39: i think the phrase you're looking for is "WTF???"
Posted by sweetchica at 7:20 pm on 02.06.04 |
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40: Sweetie - you know I love what you write - but could we please forgo any future Kevin Costner cock references?
I wanna enjoy my homosexuality.
Posted by sean at 7:32 pm on 02.06.04 |
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41: LOL
Posted by Stretch Mark at 5:44 am on 02.07.04 |
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42: often when my nose bleeds after enjoyable rounds of the nasal candy, i get that "metallic pastry" scent too.
Posted by krucoff at 12:10 pm on 02.07.04 |
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43: Yeah. Me too.
Posted by George W Bush at 12:15 pm on 02.07.04 |
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44: Livejournal contains the best of teh intarnet in one easy-to-read capsule, which is why I love it. More furries than you can shake an anthropomorphic stick at. Harry Potter slash. Everything you could possibly want. No wonder SA refers to it constantly.
I am proud to have a permanent membership there.
Posted by fridgemagnet at 9:53 pm on 02.07.04 |
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