| [November 10 2003] |
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Chef's special
I spent the weekend fighting off nausea, but then realised that there was no way around this. It had to be told.
Someone changed my life on Friday night, and not in a good way. I've done a lot, seen a lot and had an awful lot of bad sex. I know that some men want you to squat on glass tables and lay turds for them. Not my personal bag, baby, but hey.
But some things you wish you'd never come across. Like a website devoted to "human equines" (don't ask) or a personal ad from a man who wanted to pull my hair and spit in my mouth, casually, while passing by. I'm not sure how one actually CAN spit in someone's mouth "casually, while passing by". Would I have to stand there, with my mouth open and wait for him to walk past? Would this be in public, or could we just practise in the privacy of our living room? What if he missed and got my chin? Would we have to do it over and over again until he finally got one on target? It all reminds me of that trick where you try and throw a peanut in your mouth when you're drunk.
I remember Paul telling me about a personal advert he'd seen on Gaydar which consisted of a photo of man holding open his lube-drenched anus with the caption "Fuck my hairy man-cunt". You know, I could have lived and died happily without ever having to hear about that.
Similarly with the semen salad-dressing. And no, this is not some urban myth involving a disgruntled chef. I know someone who has actually eaten salad with semen salad, er, cream. And is unapologetic about how nice it was.
And this just casually tossed out (pardon the pun) over dinner on Friday night.
Incredibly, Maccers once read that semen makes great salad dressing, and even more incredibly, decided to have a go. From what she told me, before I fainted, I believe the trick is for your other half to ejaculate into some kind of container that can be stored in the fridge. So the usual tissue or condom clearly won't do. Once the ejaculation is safely stored in your tupperware, you must place it in the fridge until chilled.
But don't make the mistake of thinking you can just get it out and slop all over your mixed greens. Like all good recipes, this takes a little work. Once it's nice and chilled, drizzle a few drops of olive oil (extra virgin recommended, dear God) into the semen, replace the lid of the tupperware container and give it a good shake. This gives it a nice pouring consistency, apparently.
Season to taste (Jesus!), pour over your salad and give it a good toss. Like you did earlier. But be careful not to toss it off entirely as this point as your salad will end up rather dry.
Eat salad.
Maccers' comments on this: "It was really nice. Honest. Like vinaigrette."
"He was a smoker at the time, which might have affected the taste."
"I bet you won't find THAT on the fucking Wedding Channel."
No indeed. That's possibly the Wedding Channel's single redeeming feature.
Posted by eurotrash at 11:33 am |
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[Comments count: 50] |
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1: uhm... ew.
that is so damned gross. but in some ways, i'm glad that somebody tried it. it obviously wasn't going to be me.
i won't be able to eat now for a while.
Posted by Devlyn at 12:02 pm on 11.10.03 |
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2: Right, then. No salad for lunch today.
[faints]
Posted by Alex at 12:33 pm on 11.10.03 |
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3: I'll be skipping the mayo on my cheesesteak as well.
I've had a blowjob or two in my day, but I've only been with two "swallowers." Back in high school, all the pseudo-man-of-the-world schmucks I hung around with went on and on about how important and terrific the swallow is. When I look at spunk, I'm amazed any woman wants to get anywhere near it, origin of life or not.
Of course the sick, nasty, puerile Wacky Packages part of me is imagining a Semen Cookbook hitting the market soon, with recipies for "Cum Brulee," "Coq Au Spunk," "Creme Of Sum Yung Gai," "Baby Batter Fried Chicken," and "Nut Butter Cookies."
Posted by jonmc at 1:15 pm on 11.10.03 |
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4: Ew.
For no logical or coherent reason the thought of storing it in tupperware makes it worse. And that he was a smoker, though it could have been organic and I still wouldn't want it on my salad.
Posted by jatb at 1:47 pm on 11.10.03 |
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5: *gag!*
i'll not be attending any of Maccer's dinner parties anytime soon.
yech.
Posted by snowshoe at 2:14 pm on 11.10.03 |
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6: i'm trying to imagine the conversation that led to the preparation of such a salad:
W: "Honey, can I ask you to cum in this tupperware box tonight?"
M: "Hm?"
W: "I just feel like making a salad today."
M: "Oh, OK."
?
Posted by j-a at 2:17 pm on 11.10.03 |
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7: egads. remind me never to look at your site while eating lunch again.
Posted by erika at 3:01 pm on 11.10.03 |
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8: Good Lord. It was all I could do to finish reading that. It was like seeing a car crash...you just can't tear yourself away, as horrifying as it might be.
Posted by Jenny at 3:19 pm on 11.10.03 |
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9: Well. Quite. But imagine being me. I'm stuck with all of this in my head now. It's really quite dreadful.
Posted by eurotrash at 3:29 pm on 11.10.03 |
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10: ARGH! ACK ACK! I was eating my brunch (Thank goodness it was a hamburger & not a salad) while I was reading this.
Posted by Lisa.Chau at 3:44 pm on 11.10.03 |
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11: If, according to Maccers, it's "nice, like vinaigrette", I think I'll just go for, well, a nice vinaigrette.
Posted by Jamie at 3:45 pm on 11.10.03 |
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12: Girl I went to high school with: "If Seven-Eleven ever started selling cum-flavored Slurpees, I'd be in line the night before."
Posted by Aserdaten at 3:47 pm on 11.10.03 |
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13: thanks for sharing. why do i come here? i think the rules for saliva should probably (if not more forcibly) apply to semen. does cum actually taste good? why is it in all the sex tapes i've ever seen the woman looks like she's about to hurl and tries to keep it dripping off the chin rather than actually consuming the stuff. women who like to have cum on their face generally don;t seem to actually want to swallow it. (i did have a girlfriend that was into swallowing, but she was a rare piece and she did not actually "savor the flavor" but rather let it pass directly down with cock deep in the throat.)
on this topic, i am curiuous abotu something. i had a girlfriend who refused to give head. good enough. but she didn't let me give HER head though she said she liked it. my theory is she felt that she would have to reciprocate. i tried telling her that it wasn't necessary, but still. what's up with that. i like getting my knob sucked, but i also enjoy snarfing on pie until the spasms hip action kick in. i love when that happens.
Posted by yikes at 4:25 pm on 11.10.03 |
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14: Looks like I'm in a minority here, then. I did feel a bit 'ugh' on first reading, but then fascination got the better of me, and as soon as I got used to the idea, it sounded interesting (probably like most fetishes, I guess).
Wondering what part of the story is the bit that people find most 'ewww' inducing. Is it because it's cold? I can't imagine it's as worth eating cold as hot.
And I did wonder if 'salad' was actually some metaphor (as in all those 'eat your greens' old tunes) for minge. Would it be more acceptable if eaten from that sort of a 'salad' base?
Of course, it could most likely be that I haven't had any 'greens' in a while, and the tolerance level is spinning like a lettuce in a basket. Fnarr.
Posted by Vanessa at 4:42 pm on 11.10.03 |
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15: I don't think that's so revolting. What about wolfbagging?
Here's a thought - you could combine the two, add some parmesan and have a sort of Caesar salad.
Posted by fridgemagnet at 4:45 pm on 11.10.03 |
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16: Dare I ask what wolfbagging is?
Posted by eurotrash at 4:49 pm on 11.10.03 |
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17: bacon on a string
one party swallows the bacon (I think this is the wolfbaggee) and the other proceeds to uphill garden, while keeping a hold of the end of the string
on the point of orgasm the wolfbagger pulls the bacon out with the string, causing wolfbaggee to vomit which apparently also tightens the sphincter
This would, I assume, be raw bacon, so would probably make a rather poor salad. You could cook it afterwards though.
Posted by fridgemagnet at 4:56 pm on 11.10.03 |
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18: I'm not making this up, Google for it.
Posted by fridgemagnet at 4:56 pm on 11.10.03 |
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19: No, no.
I believe you.
Posted by eurotrash at 4:57 pm on 11.10.03 |
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20: They're mad for it at the Wedding Channel.
Posted by fridgemagnet at 4:59 pm on 11.10.03 |
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21: Another day, another sexual moray dissected.
Posted by Niki at 5:00 pm on 11.10.03 |
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22: wolfbanging sounds fucking gross. i mean who associates vomiting with orgasm? this falls under the category of the hotplate. vomit and shit are only a few feet of intestines away from each other. ugh.
Posted by yikes at 5:34 pm on 11.10.03 |
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23: now see, that salad's sounding a whole lot better after the wolfbagging. maybe the salad come first?
Posted by bitter joe at 7:07 pm on 11.10.03 |
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24: I wonder who invented wolfbagging?
Posted by eurotrash at 7:21 pm on 11.10.03 |
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25: that maccers is one dirty bitch!
Posted by styro at 8:31 pm on 11.10.03 |
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26: Bunnies and kittens. Bunnies and kittens. Bunnies and kittens...
Posted by Tel at 9:38 pm on 11.10.03 |
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27: Maccers-eeeuww. Ick, if some guy wanted me to make salad dressing out of that, I would insist he have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with "Aunt Flo" taking the place of jelly. eeuuww, Maccers, eeeuw. Sorry, guess I"m a prude but EEEUUUW.
Posted by someoneSomewhere at 10:09 pm on 11.10.03 |
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28: I didn't think the semen salad dressing post could get worse - but then things turn to wolfbagging. How randomly revolting is raw bacon and vomiting while having sex? Who thought of that? Scratch that, I don't want to know.
Posted by erika at 10:18 am on 11.11.03 |
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29: why? why does this post exist?
Posted by IA at 10:25 am on 11.11.03 |
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30: ugh. i feel sick. this thread must stop.
Posted by snowshoe at 10:31 am on 11.11.03 |
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31: find a guy with the clap. this'll make his spew have a pink creamy color the consistency of mayonaise. great on hamburgers.
Posted by hubs at 1:41 pm on 11.11.03 |
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32: please for the love of god put disclaimers on your posts until i give birth and stop vomitting.
wolfbagging indeed.
Posted by jenB at 5:11 pm on 11.12.03 |
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33: Has anyone heard of munging before?
Well, this is when two men take a dead woman, at LEAST two weeks dead so she WELL rotted inside(I can't stress this point enough people)
One man creates a seal around her vag with his mouth.The other man, "the munger" jumpes on the dead womans stomach forcing the intestines and part of the bowel out of her gash at high velocity into the waiting jaws of "the gobbler".Yum Yum.
P.S my great grandfather George Wolfbang invented wolfbanging in 1919 just after the war.
Posted by JASON at 12:20 pm on 03.18.04 |
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34: Has anyone heard of munging before?
Well, this is when two men take a dead woman, at LEAST two weeks dead so she WELL rotted inside(I can't stress this point enough people)
One man creates a seal around her vag with his mouth.The other man, "the munger" jumpes on the dead womans stomach forcing the intestines and part of the bowel out of her gash at high velocity into the waiting jaws of "the gobbler".Yum Yum.
P.S my great grandfather George Wolfbang invented wolfbanging in 1919 just after the war.
Posted by JASON at 12:20 pm on 03.18.04 |
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35: i want to try the cum salad
Posted by ljungberg at 7:47 am on 04.04.04 |
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36: I came to this page from Google because I wanted to know what wolfbagging was. Rather wish I hadn't now... Also, other definitions (less gross) exist.
What about felching? That seems worse to me.
Posted by Schmunzelmonster at 1:44 pm on 07.21.04 |
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37: I've been using semen for years, not only in salad dressings, but in soups, over fruit (great mixed with confectioners sugar), and in drinks (makes them foam up if shaken, or if soda is later added). It's actually very good (tasty) and the mental part is very erotic if you happen to love the donor (as I do). Any of you women out there who would like some great recipes, please feel free to e-mail me.
Posted by Sally at 3:07 pm on 08.04.04 |
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38: Another day, another sexual moray dissected.
Posted by blowjob at 12:26 pm on 09.26.04 |
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39: I think semen is a great way to spice up a dish. For other cum-based recipes visit our website at cookingwithcum.com.
Posted by alfredo at 7:48 pm on 11.07.04 |
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40: The problem is, hwo do you get away with wanking at work. I'd like to "gis" up my Tesco salad and it seems a grate idea. I'd look strange taking a tupperware pot into the gents.
Ideas?
Posted by Prac at 6:56 am on 12.06.04 |
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41: Sod it.. why stop there? It's a culinary revolution, and the commercial potential is enormous. In years to come, we'll see foodstuffs such as Spunkin' donuts, Bucks Jizz, and Chewing cum.
Cumquat dip, anyone?
Posted by Furrowbrow at 10:47 am on 09.08.05 |
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42: Have you ever heard of shrimping? Where the gay man cums in his partners ass and then inserts a tube or straw so as to be able to drink the cum out of his ass?
Posted by Lurkingminnow at 12:04 am on 09.15.05 |
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43: sickos
Posted by at 7:39 am on 09.29.05 |
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44: Is there an update of what we have seen already?
I would like to participate within a society that understand sound morals, even though we are, sometime are sickos. Anyone?
Posted by Toufick Chamy at 3:44 am on 12.08.05 |
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45: The bitches on here who are saying "Eww" really need to fucking GROW UP! I take it that you're all secret LESBOS, hence your disgust with something that is perfectly natural and SEXY AS HELL btw. I think the idea of using a guy's jizz on a salad ... or on ANYTHING, for that matter, is HOT. I love to give blowjobs, so this sounds like something I should try SOON!
The ignorance of some women just really amazes me. And the one girl who said she refused to accept oral sex because she thought she would have to reciprocate.......... WHAT A LOSER! Oh yeah, you want him to bury his face in your smelly, dank snatch, but you're repulsed by the idea of licking his sweet cock? Get your head checked, bitch. I'm REALLY glad I'm not a guy, and don't have to put up with some retarded cunt like you. I feel really sorry for all of your husbands and bf's. Poor guys probably don't even know what good sex is. And then, of course, you all wonder why they end up cheating on you. *smirk*
Oh, and if any INTELLIGENT women happen to be reading this, and have some semen recipes to share, drop me a line.
Posted by BadGirlWhoAlwaysSwallowsAndWil at 9:57 pm on 12.13.05 |
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46: How did I miss this one?
Posted by sac at 9:01 pm on 12.22.05 |
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47: Pardon, but telling people to grow up because they don't share your sick fascination with body fluids is just moronic. I'm afraid you are in the minority on this one, and if you enjoy cum so much by all means have at it, but don't put down people for not sharing your vulgarities.
Posted by Rogo at 3:03 am on 01.15.06 |
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48: good call... take that BITCH!!
personaly i dont like the idea of having cum on my salad... partly coz im a male....
Posted by ShAn3y0 at 8:42 pm on 04.17.06 |
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