| Tuesday 03 / 02 |
OCDedness
Ok... so my life kind of sucks at the moment well because of my current locale at work so I have been less than happy and I have been escaping into the far reaches of my mind's eye as I find things that open it up. Here are some examples of what's been keeping me happy:
1) Matt Bomer - (one hot actor *swoon*) and the show he's on: "White Collar." Plus I originally discovered him cause of Chuck while accidentally seeing one of the last season's big enders where he played Bryce Larkin. I have this thing about shows where the hero types get beat up. I don't know how to explain it but every show I've ever liked or ended up getting interested in liking has involved something where the hero gets as I have discovered "whumped." It sounds bad like something obscene but apparently "whumpage" means where the hero is beat up in some manner be it hit by a car, put in danger, shot etc etc... excitement rather than staid entertainment. Probably why some of my favorite shows / movies are things like "MacGyver," Indiana Jones, the old Republic Pictures serials (plenty of whumpage there) and so many others I can't even think of at the moment.
2) Dresden Files - I was told I must not like Paul Blackthorne anymore if I'm obsessing over the guy in item #1 but nope... I still like him and the show but I've seen the episodes each atleast 3 times since a site I go to has online viewings on Saturdays. Then I started to reread the books since the show was based on the Jim Butcher novels. I'm up to book 6 in my rereading of the series, I think now. I have 4 or so to go since I'm skipping book 7 which I already reread before starting the books again. The books are just as good the 2nd time around and so fun, but I'm being slow in rereading them since I've been mightily distracted by Matt Bomer and catching up on his career.
3) Did I mention I like Matt Bomer? ;P Yeah, I have already seen him in old clips online from "the Guiding Light," "All my children," "Tru Calling," "Chuck," The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Beginning and "Traveler." All these things were good for the most part. I just hate that in half of them he ends up dying. :( He would have been the main guy in Traveler if the series had gone for more than 8 episodes. I thank the Internet for giving me the opportunity to watch so many of the shows he was in w/o having to dig around too much. If this was back when I was in grade school, I'd have been so much more obsessive NOT being able to find stuff. LOL I remember how hard it was to get things back then w/o really digging around libraries and such. Now you just pop onto the net and everything's at your fingertips. You don't even leave home. I love the NET!!!! <3
So yeah... and with my current mindset, I've been SO wanting to reread "The Mirror of Her Dreams." I read it over and over so many times in the past since I originally bought the novel back in High School I think it was. One of the best books ever and I found a nice copy not too long ago for less than 6 bucks (ended up being just over a dollar with a coupon) in its complete form. I should just read it but I'm fighting to get through the DF books one more time before I start anything else. I just don't think I have the attention span I once had where I could read several books at once and keep up.
I used to be good at that: Putting a book down and starting another then picking the first one up again and knowing where I was even if I hadn't read it through yet. I used to read books like some people drink water. Now it's a bit harder for me to get through a series unless I really like it and I love DF. Same with the show WC. I am so into that tv show. I keep watching this scene someone made into a clip from my favorite episode. I've found some of the songs from shows that had MB and have been playing those over and over. I have a special playlist just to get me through the day when I feel like my job and life is driving me insane.
Anyhow, I guess I'm just starting to feel the stress. I've been at my current place sooo long. Longest job I've ever had next to the Aquarium. Only full time job I've ever had too. My experience with work before this was mostly in the part time and fast food industry. I do like customer service. Always felt it was my calling. I like helping people despite certain aspects I may not like about my job. I get a certain satisfaction off and on that makes it worthwhile.
So yeah... just needed to get that out there. Clear my head a bit. Oh and I finally watched: "Up!" Best movie ever! I really enjoyed it and wish now I had gone to see it at the movies. I also watched "The Hidden" the other night and "Let the right one in" a week or so back. All good movies although the latter is kind of odd. Not recommended unless you don't mind subtitles and something that reminded me of a Salem's Lot (the original, not the remake) and another movie I can't quite think of. I think I may watch "Cloudy with a Chance for Meatballs" next and then "Practical Magic." Love the latter for sure.
I really need to get out... I may go on vacation this Summer but I can't think of where. I'd love to see another country or go on a cruise but all of those are more than I can afford. If I did either, I wouldn't want to go alone. I just don't know that I'd want to take family but family is safe. Mostly why I would choose to take them with me if I did something like that but I'd love to go alone. I like doing thing on my own w/o feeling I need someone with me. I can be really dependent when I really just want to go out and do something. I'm still shocked I ever made it to all the Mysteriums I went to w/o just giving up. If not for alot of the people I like NOT being at the last few, I'd have probably kept going. Didn't help with the eye thing after the last big trip. I had to be wary of traveling since I wasn't sure about how my eye thing would end up. It's settled down.
It really took alot of courage on my part to go on the first trip by bus. I was scared to death. I had a 4 hour layover in Lubbock in the middle of the night alone in a bus depot. Suckiest 4 hours of a 16 to 17 hour trip to and from but it was so worth it despite my being sick for the majority of the trip. I can atleast say I went, saw and came back in one piece. Plus I met alot of nice people and went into the depths of the Earth by visiting Carlsbad. :D I also went to Philly, Toronto, Chicago and twice to Spokane. It was fun while it lasted. I still want to go traveling.
Watching the show White Collar makes me want to see NYC. I saw it once but that was briefly and I didn't own a camera then. I was 15 or so and on a trip with the family and we went up in the Trade Towers. I like that I can say that I was there before all the tragedy. It was a strange feeling being so high up in a city that feel so different than anything I'd seen in my life. Same with Boston. We saw it during the same trip along with Niagra Falls, Washington, DC, Mystic Port and several places in Florida. I'd love to go back and see all those places again as an adult and take pictures. I just really want to go see things and get away from the drudgery for a bit. I haven't had a proper vacation since 2006. I really REALLY need one.
Ok... I guess I've gotten it all out there.
~L~ |
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| Thursday 02 / 18 |
Introverted vs Anti-social
I don't consider myself an "anti-social" person so much as introverted. I really never got to go out that much when I was younger so I guess I'm lacking in some social skills I wish I'd learned at a younger age but didn't. I'm still not bad with people when I can socialize just don't do it enough to be very good at it. I can admit it... I am pretty much in many cases socially inept. I don't consider myself anywhere near a social butterfly.
Anyhow... I've been debating how to handle the whole "work" thing... I mean basically I was told that I use the PC too much, talk too much and distract people (total BS), don't get up and do enough walking / work stuff (more total BS), and have to be told alot of stuff I actually do on my own. Anyhow, I'm having flashbacks to another time when this stupid moron tried to get me fired. Luckily as much as the person in charge was a biased person and didn't let me tell my side of things and just took another person's word over mine, I'm feeling alot like that with this current biased individual. Just because their life sux at the moment I feel like they took it out on me and my eval. And they hired this person to be a supposedly fair supervisor. Geesh... even when I have a bad day I don't go and yell at the customers or my co-workers. I just sort of become a little more distant.
So that's my thing right now... distance. I don't even talk to anyone unless I have to cause I don't feel like I know who I can talk to w/o someone finding a way to screw me over. I feel like Harry Dresden when he talks about being paranoid. I wish I could recall the line but it was humorous and still accurate. This isn't even the kind of job where getting someone fired promotes you to some kind of golden parachute sort of position. If this were more corporate I'd have to agree: "Ok getting X fired = Y getting promotion / lots of cash, prestige etc" but it's not like that. Nothing fantastic happens if someone gets fired here. Just another position to get filled or eliminated or whatnot. No fireworks...
I'm over it for the most part but I hate that this person refused to note that I do my job and have been doing my job and know my damn job. I don't even think talking to the highers up will help. I've had to do it before and it was like talking to a wall so I don't even bother though I've considered it. Just frustrating cause it shouldn't be like this. Makes me almost miss doing fast food much as I hated it atleast I sort of knew where I stood at the places I worked. It was pretty clear cut. I don't feel that at my current place. I feel like a flag in the breeze waiting to see what happens and which way the wind will suddenly smack the crap out of me from.
Ok... last time I'm going to try to speak of this. Just trying to get it all out of my system finally. |
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| Saturday 02 / 13 |
Is beginning to think...
1) She's been at her third world apartment too long. This will the last year I live there and will be looking for better accommodations for next year.
2) She's been at her current job too long. She likes the "job" but the people are driving her nuts and she means people as in co-workers. Customers are easier to handle than the people she works with.
Other than that... she's discovering that so long as she refuses to kiss ass at work she continually gets screwed over for things that aren't her fault and told she isn't doing her job when she knows how to do her job more than is necessary.
Anyhow... that's the rant for today.
I went driving around for a good hour or I was going to find someone I work with and smack them around. They seriously pissed me off and if I wasn't as anti-violent as I tend to be, I could have easily gone postal on their butt but I don't do that. I wish sometimes I did so that maybe then people wouldn't think they could take advantage of me so easily. Would be funny to see what people would do if they thought I was going to A) smack them B) punch them or C) run them over. I think they'd reconsider being an asshole if they thought I was a potentially violent person.
Anyhow once I had driven a bit I stopped at Half Price on Bandera and bought two vids I thought might improve my mood: Ever After and Ella Enchanted. Yes they are girlie, chick flick type movies but they make me laugh and have cute guys so I need something to make me feel better and not so much like I want to strangle a certain someone.
I also imbibed some sweet tea, 10 mini churros, and a breakfast croissant from Jack in the Box. I wasn't hungry but when I'm pissy and stressed out I like to get something sweet and carby so I can atleast go into a sugar coma and get over my anger a bit. It helps sometimes. I also got a chocolate overload cake there so I may eat that later.
Currently listening to some relaxing music I made into a playlist to calm me down and watched my favorite scene from an episode of White Collar that always makes me laugh. I mean I need something to distract me before I just scream which I did enough of in the drive around town. I cried too. I'm that pissed off. I hate when people lie and put it in writing and it's something that will be used against you when it's not true but you can't do much more than write on it that you think they're full of crap (well I wrote "I don't agree" since it was something I had to sign or else.)
Anyhow... not been a good day and I'm just glad it's the weekend. Not sure what to do so I can take my mind off this shit.
~L~ |
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| Wednesday 02 / 10 |
Amazon digital downloads sux
Yes, I'm being straight fwd and blunt but it's how I feel at the moment. I just spent over an hour trying to figure out what could have been a very pleasant moment of buying a tv show I like online and then watching it... No, I had to be thoroughly confused by the "badly" written instructions and redirects on Amazon's Video on Demand (unBox) site.
If they had told me that after I buy the video and download the viewer, I actually have to surf on the "viewer" to see it offline and download it, I would have had no problem. What they keep telling me is "click here to download" on their main website in the browser which only took me back to "download the viewer." That is not customer friendly nor did it make me like them. I won't NOT buy from them, because they have very good prices on books and stuff I want, but in the future I will NOT buy anymore digital movies or TV shows from them even though I now know how this works.
I've been traumatized and I feel like buying anything more from their VoD service would make me want to run someone over with my vehicle from the memory of tonight's experience. It was not something I enjoyed and I think they need to reconsider how they have their site set up for "said" service.
Anyhow, now I am downloading my show "finally" after feeling like I could throw my pc at one of their exec's heads. I mean it's not the money I was concerned about... I only spent 2 bucks on the episode but hell if I like being ran around a site in a confused manner of redirects that constantly say "download the player" when I already had it and needed to download the actual episode. Even the player really had no instructions on how to download the episode other than "check for recent purchases" which kept coming up as a "blank." That just put more salt in the wound.
It was by some weird lucky chance I finally click on this one link on the offline player that had a view of movies and shows you could buy. I scrolled through till I found my show and clicked on it. Nothing happened. Then I don't know what the hell I did but it suddenly said "oh by the way, you have a show to download." See that's why I'm mad. I don't even really know "how" I got to the point where I could download it which means, obviously, they're means to an end sucks if you figure it out by accident rather than through their actual instructions.
So that is my pissy rant of the month. My show finally downloaded and maybe I will watch it later on when I'm not up so late fighting with bad instructions. Congratulations to Amazon for mucking up my mood.
~L~ |
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