_______________________________________________________

for some reason, it seems like an enternity since thursday. even though it has technically been a mere three days.

for some reason, the past few months seems to have whizzed by without me actually realising the full impact of such. it means, the term is ending. my four years in university is up. and even though there is another year before i start getting the "full" salary, and that i technically have another 6 months of "formal" "education" to go.

but. its never going to be the same again.

i'm definitely feeling apprehensive about it all. i mean, who isn't?

i suppose it is normal to be feeling jittery when you move from say, primary to secondary school, secondary to jc, jc to uni etc. u get the idea. and for now, it seems like it is an even higher jump. a greater leap of faith.

even though the fear of work - and the sian-ness of a desk bound job - is getting to me, when has kept me feeling quite conflicted over the past few weeks, is what i know i will leave behind. or maybe, have to leave behind once 19 years of formal education is finally over, due to a lack of time.

ok. for coz, its the slackness associated with studies that i will miss. i know some ppl will shake their heads at this point and wonder "law school where got slack??" ya. i never say it was slack what. but i've always maintained that it is possible to slack. just that you really really have to chiong during the reading week and stuff. and must be ok with not so good grades.

and definitely, those chill out sessions i have with friends. in school or otherwise. it is a very real possibility - that some friends will eventually become mere acquaintances due to the chronic lack of time to meet up. problem prehaps compounded by the fact that all of us are likely to have busy schedules.

and perhaps also. my humble music experience thus far.

re-joining band has definitely been a correct choice. notwithstanding a particular individual's view that i have gone too far by being in the exco, i still think i've made the correct choice(s). i've definitely made friends which i know can be trusted, people who i love hanging out with, and got to know some behind-the-scene stuff which on hindsight, i shudn't have been so curious and eager to find out. to paraphrase B, i'm kinda looking forward to be back to a "happy band member" once more.

and joining a university band allowed me to see first hand, the passion some people has for music. i have no idea whether it is because the band i was in is after all a secondary school band. but some people in university band really terrifies me with their thirst for knowledge when it comes to music. sometimes it felt realy weird when the entire dinner conversation can be just about the previous band practice - how certain instruments came in too late; how certain soloist played very well that particular day; how some people missed the mark by a bit. all these for a single band practice. or that sometimes, it can be a entire recollection of their good old band days.

and i couldn't help but notice that whenever such thoughts were exchanged, other people always have stuff to talk about - musically. beyond telling them the fact that my band got COP twice in a row - and i participated in both of them, and that i somehow like to think that my section wasn't to blame for this predictment. then i realised i have nothing else to talk about. there is no how-the-conductor-lost-the-beat-and-drew-circles-on-stage-during-syf, all the happy tears when they won their gold with honours, all the crazy seniors who defined "corporate punishment".

no. none of all these. when i think back about my band days, for some reason, im always reminded about the good times we shared. the times where we stayed back until damn late (late by secondary school standards) to practice a song, or come to school freakking early (like at 6am - freaking early by university standards) just to talk cock and watch this ex-close friend of mine flirt with his gf ( -_-" ).

but ya. of coz. they definitely have such good memories as well. but i found it quite weird as to why most of my band memories are dominated and defined by the times i had with band friends outside of the band room. true enough, i still can play both the set pieces and choice pieces by heart. but still. no music related memories to share.

or perhaps there are, but i subconsciously shut all these thoughts at the back of my mind? i still recall my utmost shock when i received the choice piece for my second syf (Viva Musica!) and 100% shocked by the amt of semi-quavers (and one demi-semi-quaver) in that piece. i can still rmb the thril of playing my very first solo during band prac (heatherwood potrait), i can still rmb the very first experience of playing on stage on the flute in sec 1 (Jussaric Park theme - for the school's national day performance i think), i can still rmb the very first song i played on the piccolo (the Magic of Mozart). i can still rmb that very long solo i played on the piccolo when i was in sec 4, for the sec 1 cca orientation performance (The Lord of The Dance - the solo was almost 1 min. and it felt nice to play this for the sound check on friday at ucc hall =)) i still rmb the first non-band music experience, playing on the flute, accompanying the zhss choir (Flying Free) - twice somemore! i can still rmb the very first band arrangement song that ive played when i was in sec 1 (some warm up book titled "5 Minutes a Day", exercise #1, based on Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 aka Ode to Joy).

in fact. many many vivid memories - of where i sat, where i stood, the responses to these virgin attempts.

but i also realised that i never quite measure any of these performances by how successful they were. for some reason, i'm usually glad at the end of it all that i performed in them, even if i didn't play that well for them. perhaps that is why i think i never really quite improve as a musician after so many years?

but do i really want to overanalyse and look deeply into all the mistakes that i made over the years?

i suppose my rationale has been the same as with studies. ppl who knows me would know that i usually almost never study much during the sem itself. or rather, studies has never been quite my priority. honestly. sometimes i feel that im just going through the motion just so that i can remain in band and stuff. this feeling was particularly acute in secondary school. to the extent that, i just want to do band stuff. and not so much work. like. i would spend an hour figuring out how best to play a part. then would spend 10 mins trying to do my A maths homework. and then i would spend another 5 hours watching television.

oh man. those were the days.

the thing is. i know i won't look back at my school days and marvel at the academic results that i could have achieved. i suppose i might have gotten better grades over the years if i've studied harder. my grasp of the english language might be a lot better now. i might be able to speak a lot more properly now. ya lo. all the could have beens.

but i also know that, if i've not decided to join band in sec 1, life would not have where it is now.

have no idea why i rambled on so much. what i just want to say is that i somewhat enjoyed myself during the Indian Instrumental Ensemble concert. even though ticket sales wasn't that good, and the rehearsal schedule was a bit screwed-up. and that, i think i somehow learned quite a bit of stuff even though the effect of which is not that apparent yet? maybe it is all part of the subconscious ideas slowly moving into your system.

but seriously, met a few nice people. somehow made friends with the other western ensemble ppl. and see how people can be really passionate about the music that they play. and really, some of the songs were quite nice. but after hearing them for the nth time, coupled with my severe lack of sleep... ya. got a bit monotonous. but i suppose that happens to all genre of music.

and generally. rather positive experience. it felt kinda nice when people comes up to you and say that they think you "play really well" and that they like your tone. or that during rehearsals, they would whip out their handphones and record your performance with the other western instruments ppl. well. at least they didn't criticise me for my tuning. haha.

ie, it was really nice for people to focus on the positive aspect of things for once, and not be overtly concerned over every single note. no la! i mean, of coz i will try to be precise and be as tuning perfect as possible. but as i've said, i have never measured the success of a performance by how many perfect notes i've played. or by how many high Cs i managed to reach. its really, the overall experience that really matters to me.

and because when they catered for lunch and dinner, they included one set for me. thus, it was. erm. may i add, shamefully my first Indian food meal. erm. ya. so much for being a true blue, multi-religious singaporean.

Sitting on stage, and been somewhere near where i sat for InTempo '09. was quite a magical experience. at times, memories of that concert really came to mind. how i was quite nervous for that concert (after all, was playing 1st flute; after a prolonged absence from any form of flute playing), and was sitting next to a real zai player (ie his accuracy would only make my mistakes more obvious). and how that concert turned out to be one of the best concerts ever. Beautiful Sunday would definitely rank up there. but InTempo '09 was definitely special in its own regard. for one, 22 friends came down to support me. C somewhat delayed her return so that she can watch my concert. and the friends i made within the fluboe section? =) =) =)

and because the door to the dressing room that we used for InTempo was locked, i took several photos of the door instead. haha.

as i was saying, the whole backstage vibe at the IIE concert was really. very different. for one, the har/m/on/ic/a backstage vibe was really. quite segregated. everyone was preoccupied with doing their OWN stuff. a few people were hanging in their own cliques. and you get a sense of, to each his own. that they kinda dun care what the others are playing or doing.

but the vibe at IIE concert was so much different. people were taking photographs. people were chatting and egging each other on. exchanging friendly smiles even though you don't really know the other person. and for one, after the concert, the conductors (they have a couple - about 3) came over and shook my hand. like seriously. nice right. throughout the entire process, they actually bothered to acknowledge my presence. like. seriously. nice ppl right. compared to the one from h/ar/moni/c/a who barely registers my presence. there was just this general sense of "WE CAN DO IT" at the backstage for iie. even though about 6 different cca groups were represented there. whereas for har/orch, its like. "ok. time to go on stage and perform so that we can earn our cca points."

thus. honestly. despite the screwed-up schedule (which i realise a bit too late that it is not the fault of iie people); the people are infinitely nicer. am really glad that i took on this gig. at least now i can say that i performed for a NUS Arts Festival event. lol.

i know i can never achieve perfection like some other people. but perhaps, looking back at all the memories i had, perhaps, i never set out to achieve perfection. and do i really want to achieve perfection? perhaps what keeps some people going is the gold award they achieve at syf. perhaps is how they manage to play a certain passage totally in tune. to a certain extent, i would of coz want to attain the latter.

but definitely, what has been keeping me going is the memories created and the friendship forged.

InTempo '10 will be my last concert as an undergraduate. as a student. as a full time student in a government-linked (monopolised?) school. as a executive committee member. and my first concert playing almost entirely on the piccolo.

but will it be my last concert?

there can never be a satisfactory answer to this. but i know that deep down, i want to keep on playing.

2:02AM
12:35PM

_______________________________________________________

The problem is you think poetry is about words. But the greatest poets I ever met, never wrote a single word.

_______________________________________________________

for some reason. am starting to enjoy what i am doing. maybe one shud just not over think so much.

french has some what been. ok. granted some super bombastic phrases are still leaving me super confounded. but a lot of things are getting a lot more clearer. and its all about showing what u know and hiding what u dun.

and the concert preparation for in/di/an ensemble. seems to be taking up a lot less time than previously thought. and the songs. erm. lets just say when the conductor emailed me and said that "[t]he parts should be fairly easy to handle". he really meant it.

granted life has "become a busy blur", i can't imagine doing things any differently. its not so much about doing things because u want to be happy. dun rmb mentioning that anywhere. but its all part of the experience no? to try out new things and playing with new orchestras and different forms of music.

if moving out of one's comfort zone means only willing to taking baby steps every single time. and not trying to explore new grounds and putting in ur best. then wats the point right?

in fact i never said that being busy = being happy. it may be a destination, a journey, a process, a long and winding road or what. i dun really care u know. u live by / believe in someone else's view. ok lo. but i never set out to be busy so that i can be happy..

no one ever say u cannot be "judgmental" lest u become "a bad friend". u can judge. in fact judging is totally ur style. but a little support wun kill u either.

5:51PM

_______________________________________________________

it was definitely one of the most drama concerts that i've ever played for. granted i havent played for that many concerts yet. but i suppose i must have reach a certain point liao - that friends are saying "cannot go / dun wanna go la. aiya, never mind la, wait for your next concert lo".

in any case, performance with ha/rm/onic orchestra was definitely super drama can. if need be, i can certainly come up with a long laundry list of complaints la ---

1) from severe miscommunication (me telling them at least thrice that i have difficulty coming for the run-through on the concert day itself - yet for some reason they assumed that i will definitely be there - and when i reminded them on the concert week that i can't attend, they actually had the guts to ask me to skip my lesson.)

2) being treated like shit as a guest player. i mean, of coz la! i wasn't expected to be treated like royalty. but hello! u basically left all the guest players to their own devices la. so i was relegated to the sofas at the backstage. sadded. and i was left standing for extended periods of time during the breaks. erm. with no clear directions as to what to do. and erm. the players were basically mingling among themselves la. which is of coz fine. but then, with no space to myself, and u see me lugging my laptop around, obviously desperate to find a sit to use it, but u guys continued playing musical chairs on those few sofas. sianzz..

and this is not counting those monday pracs where they didnt give me clear instructions either, and expected me to wait outside the prac room for like. 2 hours la. okok. granted that 2 hours incident was an one-off. but still. it left a deep mark can. i mean, i am 100% ok with waiting for 2 hours.. but not when u leave me with no clear instructions and just expect me to wait la.

3) being treated like shit as a guest player (part 2). the instrument that i am using had some rather serious issues with the paddings. as in, a few of the holes do not close properly when i press them. and at times, i need to press those holes especially hard for them to close properly. so, because it is after all a nusws's asset and that the priority would be our own concert, we sent it for repair at a time which is most appropriate according to our own concert preparation schedule.

then the ha/rm/onic ppl, wasn't happy i guess. u see arh, the mu/sic co/ord/inator sms me asking me to borrow an instrument for their final rehearsals. hmm. ok. i understand but i told her it is impossible to borrow. then she never reply me at all.

then she asked their assistant con/cert mana/ger to sms me, who again seek for my understanding and hope i can borrow an instrument and go for their final rehearsals because im apparently essential. again, i had to reply him that i dun have the instrument and that it is impossible to borrow. then he never reply me at all.

THEN he asked his concert manager to come and sms me, who again seek for my understanding and hope that i can borrow an instrument and go for their final rehearsals because im apparently essential. erm. ok. at the end of it all, im seriously confounded. coz i was asked by three different individuals to borrow an instrument for their final rehearsals because im apparently essential. never mind that i was playing only 2 songs, and on top of that, only appear in like 20% of those songs. ie honestly very minor role la.

for some reason, they must think that a piccolo cost as much as a harmonica. i almost wanted to reply something to thrash her. but, decided not to. i mean, a decent piccolo cost at least 2k up. and a harmonica cost like.. under $50. perhaps thats the reason that they somehow assumed that one can borrow a piccolo with ease. but hello! do some homework before u start assuming that it is easy to borrow can. it does get on my nerve quite a bit.

and it felt almost like. they are throwing their entire exco weight on me, and expect me to buckle under pressure. erm. not a very nice and pleasant move honestly.

but yet. realising that im not that familiar with the songs, and that icl's timing is really abit not here not there. i skipped my fri afternoon lesson lo. super sadded.

and mainly because they said the conductor needs to work on the colour, balance, and sound of the orchestra and that i am important and essential in this regard. erm. ok lo. skip lo.

notwithstanding the they-dun-know-where-vch-is incident, the run-through was honestly a complete waste of time.

well. see arh. they wanted to start a run-through with the small ensemble players at 3pm. and it never really started until 4pm because the conductor wasn't here yet. and when she finally arrived, she basically shouted instructions here and there, shifting instruments ard, shouting to the VCH crew (and i wonder how come they all so obediently obliged to all her instructions wor. i mean, they were never nice to us), and basically barking at her own exco.

erm well. if she was on time, then by all means. instruct your people and scold the VCH crew for all you want. but not when you are late ma. erm. just. not very nice la. especially when you have so many guest players ard.

so. the rehearsals only began at 4.15pm. and. she didn't work on the sound, balance, or colour whatsoever la!!!! it was just a run-through here and there. seriously, wtf. i felt so conned. i should have just attended my lesson and be there at 6pm for dinner and i would still do fine. fuck.

but i seriously should have see that coming. i mean, for all the practices that i went, she didn't go through any of that what. it was just run-throughs after run-throughs.

and. perhaps it is a very different culture. but they didn't have a exact time to gather. everything was done in a very free and easy style. about time to gather liao? some of the exco members will ask people to gather etc etc. everything is super relax la. i dun know whether this is good or bad. but it was seriously a very very different working style.

and when it was time for the concert, erm. wow. the entire orchestra performed for two songs, before exiting the stage for the small ensembles. then, the conductor gave everyone a dressing down for not keeping up with her tempo. like. publicly. and she is certainly one who does not mince her words. everything was given as it is. erm. at that point, our current conductor seems uber nice. at least he will wait till after the performance. and his words are usually so ambiguous that you have no idea what he was trying to say. haha.

but yeah. after blaming everyone - from the first harmonica section, to the second harmonica section, to the third harmonica section, to the bass harmonica section, to the chord harmonica section, to the piano player, to the timpanist (guest player wor), to the drum set player, to the xylophone player, and i think even me (i think she was saying something about me, but noticed that im ard and for reason, stopped). then.

she broke down.

erm. that alone was worth it manz. i dun mind gg through all the draining cycles just to see that moment.

for the second song that i played. well. as per rehearsals, i was prepared for her to go at this manic pace. i was kinda prepared to set the speed with the flautist ba (we are the first to play the melody of sort, and hence the tempo) and she sure did. except that she went a lot a lot faster. her hands were waving like. wow. so yeah. i followed her tempo la. but it was soooo fast can. then the harmonicas came in. ermm. the piano was playing the melody at the same time. so u have the piano following the same tempo, and the harmonicas struggling to catch up. erm. was quite obvious honestly.

then. the piece got progressively slower. i mean, should have stuck to a more consistent tempo then? it got so slow that the orchestra was going at almost 3/4 of the initial speed.

but yeah. overall super eventful concert. and granted it wasn't a very pleasant experience, performing with har/monica orchestra has certainly allowed me to get a new perspective of sort.

and the positive bit to the concert...

as i was sitting on stage, i realised that i am sitting at almost the same spot for Da Capo 08.. my very first concert at VCH. honestly, wow. 1.5 years ago le wor.

again. can't believe that its been soooo long ago. oh god. im getting older.

and it sure is a sign of old age when you somehow feel very comfortable, and in fact wants to do things by youself. instead of hanging out in cliques.

3:18PM

_______________________________________________________

blogging from the backstage of VCH! and yeap! got wireless@sg!

anw, with great reluctance, i decided to give t/y/l's quirkiness and extreme intelligence a miss. =( and thus, took the Ha/rmo/nica Orche/stra's chartered bus service over to VCH.

and honestly, it was pretty amusing. the bus didn't stop at the usual place where the band ppl usually park their lorry (ie illegally along the main road.) instead, the bus uncle proceeded legally and parked at the car park space in between Victoria Theatre and Asian Civilisation Museum. what happened next was pretty amusing. the ones in charge was unsure of the location, and the side of Victoria Theatre (in fact i think the neither of the buildings) didn't have any thing that clearly indicates that is is Victoria theatre, the people in charge started questioning the bus uncle whether he is sure that he brought them to the right place. it didn't help that ACM had numerous big banners proclaiming that it is "ACM!!!!!"

after a minute or so, with great reluctance again, i moved forward and told them that we are at the right spot.

and then. erm. none of them actually knew where and how to get to VCH. erm. so i had to lead all of them to the backstage.

haha. but i suppose there is a first time for everything la. i rmb being super lost for my first concert at vch. and literally just stood around the lift to the backstage and panicking like hell (coz i was gg to be late pretty soon).. until i saw my senior who led the way.

and that was only wat. da capo 08. and gosh, 1.5 years ago. time do fly by pretty quickly when u r liking what u r doing right.

and I can't believe it is already Friday. and going for the first of my three concerts for this sem. granted im only going to play two songs, and they are pretty short at that.

i still can't believe that time flew by so quickly.

im sorry if i come across as super sicko when i lament so often.

its just the its-last-sem-already thingy that is getting to me ba.

3:45PM

_______________________________________________________

Sometimes, seeing a certain story from a different side throws up a different ball game altogether. Perhaps, it is not about attributing blame or suggesting that someone neglected the other. perhaps, just perhaps, there is never one single factor or one single incident.

for some reason, this song kept ringing in my head for the better part of the evening.

an abba classic, a song which i used to put on repeat mode when i was still in secondary school. oh gosh. almost 10 years now.

the last song to Abba Gold, u know, that evergreen band arrangement of their songs. which come to think of it, honestly does not do justice to the complex arrangements that the group always comes up for their songs. the wall-of-sound production technique aside, it is the insane hooks, the clever counter-melody, and the familiar yet new bassline in every song - that i suppose accounts for the 375 million records sold worldwide, easily making them the second best-selling band in history and the second best-selling pop artists in history.

and oh. just learned from wiki that "The group will be inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on 15 March 2010."

yippe yippe yeah!


not live, but look out for her finger-point-to-the-camera at 3:52, and the camera pan + outstretched arm + hold microphone at a distance from mouth at abt 3:54. by 1980s standard, super drama can.



Meryl Strep rendition from the movie. not bad. but at a few keys lower. seriously, quite good at changing some parts of the melody in an attempt to conceal her limited vocal range and inability to emote at parts. HAHAHA.



and the original version. used to watch this many many times when i was still in secondary school. i rewatched it to try and see which is my favourite scene. only to realise that i probably have too many to name.



at different points of my life, different parts of the lyrics struck a very strong chord in me.

needless to say, this song was one of the highlight when i watched the musical at the Esplanade theatre. twice.

and when i watch the movie musical at the cinema. twice.

and i recall being damn shocked when they inserted and changed the entire context of "When All is Said and Done." i suppose the song is supposed to reflect the second marriage breakup within the group. but ah well. it fitted nicely with the movie anyway.


all the head-turn-face-camera moments are definitely super 1980s.

11:04PM





as i walk down the familiar corridors, i can't help but feel that time has passed me by a bit too rapidly. a bit too rapidly for my liking. sure, i used to dread going to school. its not so much about nus, or about law faculty. but, erm. i generally detest anything that requires me to use my brain.

now that i have come to my final sem. final year. i can't help but feel.

hmm.

maybe it is not right to say that i don't want to graduate. i suppose on a certain level, i do want to graduate. i mean, it has been what. four years of hard work and slacking. oh. i mean sloughing. to get to where i am now. granted i don't have stellar results to show my future nephews and nieces. but i like to think that i have met some of my nicest people around, and made some goodie goodest good-good friends.

maybe the decision to accept the offer to come into law faculty wasn't such a wrong one after all. these past few weeks, i have come to realise the joys of studying law. granted that there are no definite answers (like Financial Accounting), or unnecessary imputation of sex to inanimate objects (like the (&@^"£~@"£&^"£@) French) - when it comes down to it, it is all about the balancing. policy arguments perhaps. and tension between two competing interests.

perhaps it is not that accessible. perhaps it is not that clear cut. perhaps the trend among the cases is not that apparent. perhaps judges like to introduce unnecessary semantics and unnecessarily + overly qualify things and statements of law.

but. seriously. have somewhat come to love it.

perhaps taking two KR modules is not that bad after all. i have come to appreciate my law mods better. have come to understand why people say "your campus is so nice and beautiful!". seriously, i think all we need is better food.

i am not saying that KR campus is not nice. i love the food there. and i love the vastness of the campus. and the buzz around the campus. its just that, the KR campus used to remind me of nothing but joyous band practices. the left turn that btc1 always makes to turn into the KR campus used to inspire this fleeting moment of glee and excitement in me. but now. its.

ARH!! FRENCH!! @£@@$£*&(^$£&%$^£&£$(*£

assignments and work are piling up at the moment. and as usual, im simply taking it one at a time.

slowly lo. whats the worse that can happen right. im bound for 2nd lower anyway.

as i sit opposite / around (what used to be) my preferred seat at the library. i can't help but marvel at how 4 four years just went by like that. the edwin 4 years ago would never have thought that he could survive four years of school, and live to tell the tale.

the beginning of the final lap of final sem of the final year. will try to cherish every single moment of it.

will miss all of these days.

1:44PM

_______________________________________________________

Not so long ago, in a studio far, far away from the policymakers in Washington, D.C., George Lucas conceived of an imaginary galaxy where fantastic creatures and courageous knights battled an evil empire with spaceships, “blaster” guns and light sabers. Plaintiff Lucasfilms Ltd. marketed this imaginative fantasy in three enormously popular films, the first of which was entitled “STAR WARS.” STAR WARS has since become a strong trademark owned by plaintiff and registered as a service mark under the Lanham Act. 15 U.S.C. §§ 1051-1127. Plaintiff has built on the national suc-cess of these movies and the goodwill associated with STAR WARS by using the STAR WARS mark to merchandise dolls, toys, comic books, cookies, paper cups, watches, candles and even bubble bath.

Meanwhile, in the real world of defense strategy and international politics, newspapers, politicians, scientists and spokesmen of allied and enemy nations have chosen to characterize the Reagan Administration's Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) as its “star wars” program. SDI seeks to develop*933 defenses against a nuclear attack with weapons based in space somewhat reminiscent of those depicted in the STAR WARS movies. Some see SDI as a brilliant proposal full of promise. Others fear the idea will simply escalate the risk of nuclear war and frustrate efforts toward disar-mament. An intense political debate is under way and still raging. Through persistent and prolific use in newspapers and magazines and over television and radio the phrase star wars has become a popular synonym for the SDI proposal.

- Lucasfilm Ltd v High Frontier


erm... ok..

7:53PM

_______________________________________________________

last sem at NUS. sometimes i need to pinch myself to remind myself of that fact.

and kenna cheated of two days of holidays by NUS. damn.

the good thing is, i spent quite a bit of time with parents - something which i hasnt got a chance to do for a very long time. spent time catching up with some pals. but spending time with parents usually means the usual movie-food-movie-food-sleep routine.

super busy week. fulfilling but extremely tired and draining.

last thursday was spent celebrating birthdays after band prac. which became like a mini-reunion of sort. still finding it a bit hard to believe that i've made such good friends within the past year.

last friday had me carrying this bouquet of flowers from KR, to BTC and all around DG area. dinner b4 L leaves. =( super eventful though. first, one of the decorative lamps at manhatten fish market fell near us - it shattered to many pieces. when i say near us - it was only about 2 metres from our table. but still, we weren't near enough to claim compensation. ha. in any case, manhattan service has got from not-so-bad to terrible. or maybe it is just the PS outlet.

retreat to the usual tcc haunt for after-dinner drinks. and more drama ensued. waitress spilled drinks on the other L and Z. wasn't a super major spill, but it left us wondering just how bad the day must be for it to be memorable. still, drinks were on the house, together with 5 different cakes - which wasn't that nice.

me then started preparing for the long goodbye.

saturday, sunday, monday, and tuesday was spent doing the usuals. decoration of house. super last minute spring cleaning. reunion dinners. movies. and food food food.

wednesday was however. spent completely slacking. omg. it feels weird to finally have a day where i won't feel guilty by not doing anything. granted i should feel guilty - since im basically behind in everything. but nope. guilt didn't hit me until. today.

thursday. uneventful meet up with a potential "sponsor". my hands were shaking damn bad initially though. i wanna go ahead with this "sponsorship", and want to push it through. but it feels difficult. rather early lunch with 2Ls. meeting with "sponsor". meeting with exco. band prac. lou hei. supper at abc market. v tired - especially when you left your house at 11am. only to reach home at abt 1.30am. the usual pre-sleep routine. followed by much needed rest at only after 2am.

friday. Only to wake up at 4.50am. and attempted to bath although the last shower was less than 4 hours ago. and nope. huge doses of water didn't wake me up at all. prepped myself for the long but extremely fulfilling day ahead.

dragged my tired and tormented soul to the airport to send my brother off. well. sort-of i suppose. left him almost immediately when he joined his fellow army mates. then proceeded to a spot thats near L's check-in counter. found an empty chair. sat down. adjusted myself until i found myself in an optimum position. and slept. seeing how shes was busy packing, unpacking, readjusting - i continued hibernating until the arrival of the other L.

yeah. it feels real sad to know that u r saying goodbye to someone that close to u. granted its not a long goodbye. but it feels =( to know that the other person is no longer just a phone call away. the vast physical distance is hardly bareable. but hey. with technology, everything is a lot closer than previously.

i thought i would cry. but curiously, i didn't. however, there were so many moments when i was on the verge of - and i just had to look away to contain myself.

breakfast with the other L felt. familiar yet distant. there were of coz no awkward pauses or silence. but it felt =( to know that there is just two of us for the next 10 months or so. how do you fill an empty vault? can you ever fill one?

then. it was a mad rush back to hougang. steamboat with the nusws nel-ers. evidently, i was late. the very idea of a steamboat lunch felt kinda weird though. felt so tired that i basically gave up eating halfway. and even slept at the dining table. a new record low i say. spent a lot of time preparing and eating. and was supposed to leave house at 3.30. but alternate plans were hatched, and a new departure time fixed - only to be delayed time after time. and managed to only leave cx's place at 5.30. haha.

and as usual, was late for the steamboat dinner with the flute oldies. was given wrong directions! a mad dash ensued. and crap. late for almost 45 minutes. another new low i must say. it felt really =( to know that i am the only one who is still playing in nusws. and this dinner only serve to reinforce the fact that band practices of late have gotten. rather. monotonous. of coz, its not like there are no one to talk to anymore. its not about the complaints of the current life, or that band life has gotten very boring - but rather, its the very idea of wasted opportunities. could have had so much more fun in the last few months if all these people were still around. of coz, came to terms with such a long time ago. but yeah. and i realised that i need to ask myself whether im gg to stay in the band for long.

but the thing is, i can't imagine myself leaving this band. neither can i imagine myself not playing music at all. what am i going to do then? and during the dinner, i couldn't help but wonder how different my life would be if i hadn't re-joined the band community.

3:18PM

_______________________________________________________

I used to think that. if i keep myself really really busy, my mind would simply be kept off all of that, simply because i would have no time to think about it. and that i would somehow survive. without having a need to subject myself to those thoughts, and the could-have-beens in those regards.

now that im literally dying under the work load + expectations + this stupid mega bitch in my french tutorial class + somehow still finding time to slack even though i have a lot to do. i find myself thinking about the matter a lot more. and talking to the blue shirt person a lot more than usual.

perhaps, just perhaps. at the end of it all, i would look back at my last sem with absolute pride. abt how i survived it through somewhat. even if were to score badly for this sem.

learnt a new language. picked up the piccolo after almost 10 years of neglect. played with Indian Ensemble. played with Harmonica Orchestra. A rather long solo on the piccolo. two short solos on the flute. Survived a sem full of IP stuff (Entertainment law, International Trademark Law and Policy, and possibly IP-related question for ICL).

at the same time. am glad for the encouragement from friends. be it those direct go-go-go-s. or those sly digs at my last-sem-must-chiong mentality. or those detractors who think i won't last through this sem.

sigh. i dun know what i am talking about already. whatever it is, im hoping this sem would fly by (coz of french), but at the same time, i hope i can forever capture this moment in time - and that this sem would last forever.

all i want is that One Moment in Time. but i know that Nothing Lasts Forever.

am still thinking where to go for grad trip(sss), who to go with, and what to do with my life after i officially graduate.

shud i continue playing in band? would i have the time to? do i really want to?

and am looking at possible runs that i can participate in the later part of the year. AHM anyone? would be my first AHM. haha. for some reason, NUS Biathlon seems interesting? although i would probably die.

for now, am dreading tues, but looking forward to weds and thus. i suppose its a by-comparison thingy. compared to the dreadful french tut on tues, band on weds and thus just seems a lot more pleasant.

*turns to blue shirt person*

5:47PM

_______________________________________________________

There i was. trying to settle down as quickly and as quietly as possible coz i was 5 minutes for her class.

Thank god she was still giving one of her concise summaries. at least i didn't miss anything new.

and then, she said stuff that goes something like this: "for students who were in my IP law class, you should have some rough idea of what we are going to cover today"

then she looked at my general direction and started nodding furiously. as though inviting me to agree with her.

OMG! she rmbs me. major dies.

and according to IVLE, there are only 20 people in this class.

and i forgot most of my IP stuff already.

dies. dies. dies.

5:29PM

Smileys

phlog