[a bardroid's life]

[August 13 2008]

go figure

holy fuck.

patty put the brakes on, twice. she puts my hands all over her, and sticks her tongue in my mouth, and then says that she isn't going to fuck me. she's really attracted to me, but sex ruins everything.

two nights in a row.

erich says that she was abused, and now her repetition compulsion is about making guys angry enough to rape her. i didn't want to rape her. i want to be done with her.

she wouldn't stop txt'ing me until i let her come over and cook me pasta.


but, that's not all, johnny! he's also won ANOTHER freak co-tenant.

i spent two hours cleaning the garage, and had an arrangement with this woman to let me keep my bike in her half of the garage until i coul get the landlord to fix my garage door, and she flipped out! i thought that she was going to have a heart attack right there on the porch.

and i didn't take the garbage out on my day (but i did, i really did), and something else...i can't even remember.

and her cat (that she isn't supposed to have) got locked in and pissed on MY hall carpet. but did i tell her about it? no.

well, she's old. hopefully she'll die soon.

and erich wonders why i want to spend the rest of my life alone.

go figure.

9:09 pm
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[August 11 2008]

weekend w/ piglet and maddie

piglet's weekend with her friend, and their trip into agd went well. i'm embarrassed to record how much money i spent on the two of them, but my kid is worth it.

maddie is a pretty good kid, but can be rude and often didn't listen to me. she was fun, but didn't behave half-as-well as i would have expected.

i've told piglet before, and i have to tell her again, that if i had all the children in the whole world lined up, and i could choose any one to be my kid, i'd pick her. in a heartbeat.
and maddie has a pee-problem. her mom told me about it, but i didn't realize the extent to which it is a problem. she had three or more accidents each day. she wears pulls ups at night (although i had to coax her to wear them).

she was mostly honest about why she wears them. i tried to be discreet about it, but piglet has eagle eyes. piglet was mostly cool about it. she expressed a little more surprise at the diapers than i would have liked, but she didn't go so far as to make fun of her friend.

anyway, i wondered why she does that. i still do. she's a sweat kid. she, like piglet, deserves to be issue-free. but the world doesn't work that way, does it?

piglet did eat like crap the whole weekend. she couldn't get her mind around the whole thing. it isn't fair. she had two! blah blah blah. i don't know what to do. she looked good on friday, and was a baloon by sunday morning. poor kid couldn't get any look-a-like clothes because she was too big for their biggest size.

i think that i am just going to put her on hoodia. she is too fucking fat. it is as simple as that.
and, of course, i have been no good role model. at least, not when i am alone. i do much better when she is around. but on my own? forget it. mom takes over and it just isn't conscious (enough) for me. i still buy mom's shit when push comes to shove.

i still want mommy to love me?

GROW UP YOU FUCKING 41-YEAR-OLD CHILD! SHE IS DEAD. BE YOUR OWN FUCKING MAN.

and, of course, (and i mean of course, erich, tell me that i created this reality, i dare you) despite her promise that she would hang out with me today, legs reneged. i can't because i have to work as i didn't work this weekend.
i wrote back, oh well, so much for promises.

more time to get some work done. and, although erich thinks that i need a woman (i think that your lack of human read "female" contact is a large part of why you can't get started) i have deadlines. they work just as well.

9:13 am
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